Marauders Pact
by purple-psychopath
Summary: They made the pacts, to protect themselves from betrayal. Maturity is scarce and emotions get in the way, the pacts will be broken, confessions made, but will the greatest friendship at Hogwarts ever be saved? Abuse, drug use, eventual RL/SB, a prank fic gone Sirius.
1. The First Pact

Marauders Pact

**Nov 14****th****, 3****rd**** Year**

**The First Pact**

"I, James Potter, call to order the first official meeting of the now named Marauders."

"Messr Sirius Black thanks his furry friend for discovering such a name."

"Messr Remus Lupin inquires as to why Messr Sirius Black is speaking in the third person, and politely insists he **shut up** about certain _furry problems_, where **others could hear**."

"Messr Sirius Black must remark on the fact that Messr Remus Lupin also used third person in his speaking, and wonders how one could possibly 'politely insist' something as that seems to be an oxymoron."

"Oxymoron? What's an oxymoron? Erm… Messr Peter asks."

"Messr Sirius Black will inform all that Messr Peter Pettigrew is an oxy**moron**."

"Is that good? Or bad?"

"Messr James Potter is going to say it is a good thing to avoid further squabble, and kindly asks everyone to **shut up** so we can get on with the meeting."

"Messr Sirius Black expresses his greatest apologies."

"I, Remus Lupin will kindly shut up so we can get this stupid meeting over with."

"Messr James Potter would be offended at Messr Remus Lupins insult if he was not aware that it is Messr Lupins time of the month."

"Um… yes, Messr Peter is also sorry."

"Onwards with the meeting! I, James Potter, propose a pact, we must all swear to-"

"Messr Sirius Black proposes we refer to it as a Marauders Pact."

"Duly noted. This Marauders Pact, then, shall entail that none of us are able to tattle on any Marauderly Mischief."

"I, Remus Lupin, must inquire as to how we will tell if that pact has been breached, and what punishment will be served."

"I, James Potter, say that we will know due to having been caught at said Mischief, and the punishment should be something really embarrassing."

"Messr Sirius Black suggests the offenders bits be shrunk for as long as detention is being served by the tattled on."

"Messr James Potter thinks that is an excellent idea, and a just punishment for such a grave offence. So, I, James Potter, agree to this, the first Marauders Pact, that I will never tattle upon any Mischief, for punishment of having my bits shrunk for as long as the tattled on shall serve detention."

"I, Sirius Black, agree to this, the first Marauders Pact, that I will never tattle upon any Mischief, for punishment of having my bits shrunk for as long as the tattled on shall serve detention."

"This is ridiculous, but, I, Remus Lupin, agree to this, the first Marauders Pact, that I will never tattle upon any Mischief, for punishment of having my bits shrunk for as long as the tattled on shall serve detention."

I, Peter Pettigrew, agree to this, the first Marauders Pact, that I will never tattle upon any Mischief, for punishment of having my bits shrunk for as long as the tattled on shall serve detention. Um, did I say it right?"

"You said it flawlessly Peter, with the first Marauders Pact sworn to, I James Potter, close this meeting."

**April 6****th****, 3****rd**** Year**

"We thought of a name for you!" Peter announced.

"I already have a name." Remus informed them.

Sirius, ever the ignorer said "It's Moony!"

"Absolutely not." Remus protested.

"But you have to earn it." James told him, "So, I dare you to moon the next professor you see and shout 'It's a full moon, AWOOOO!'."

"Not doing it."

"Then we double dare you." Sirius told him, then in a rare moment of insight added "But only if there are no students around."

"I'm still not doing it."

"Then we triple dare you," Peter said, "You can't deny a triple dare, it's an unwritten rule of **kid**!"

"And what will happen if I don't?" Remus asked.

"We'll invert your bits until the girls staircase lets you up." James supplied.

Remus gulped. "When I get in trouble I'm bringing all you assholes down with me."

"It's so worth it." Sirius smirked.

"Fine," Remus sighed, "There's the groundskeeper, I'm going to go get this over with."

Remus walked up in front of Hagrid, pulled his trousers down over his bottom and shouted "It's a full moon! AWWOOOOOOOH!" Then sprinted out of there, pulling his pants back up all the way.

Hagrid blinked in shock, shook his head, and then noticed the three giggling figures of Mr. Lupins friends. 'Kids,' he thought, 'alway' thikin' up some new ma'ness to have a laugh over.'

"Oh hell, I actually did it."

"Moony, are you okay? That's twice you've sworn today, you** never** swear."

"You've corrupted me, and all for a stupid nickname."

"Hey! We should have a competition to see who can make him swear the most!" Peter suggested.

"Excellent idea Pete."

"I am going to the library, hopefully Lily can de-corrupt me."

"Ask her out for me!"

"No James."


	2. The Second Pact

Aug 10th, Summer Before 5th Year

**The Second Pact**

"I, James Potter, call to order this, the thirty-eighth official meeting of the Marauders-"

"Minus Moony…"

"Yes, but fear not Messr Grim, he will arrive tomorrow, and now that Peter's got it he'll never have to be alone for another transformation again!"

"Messr Peter Pettigrew is happy that we will finally get to show Remus our forms."

"I, James Potter, only wish we can think up adequate names for a rat and stag in time."

"Messr Sirius Black refuses to be referred to as 'Grim', and suggests we allow Messr Moony to name us."

"I, James Potter, believe Grim to be an excellent name, but must agree that Moony should name Peter and myself."

"But a Grim is a bringer of death! I'm not a bringer of death! I'm a bringer of sex."

"Messr James Potter shouldn't have to remind Messr Sirius Black that he is as virginal as the rest of us."

"Not for long! Marlene McKinnon kissed me on the platform; I am so getting laid this year."

"I, Peter Pettigrew, wish a girl, any girl, would kiss me."

"I, James Potter wish Lily Evans would even smile in my general direction."

"Messr Sirius Black wonders why Messr James Potter will not give up on the prude flower, and kiss that lovely Hufflepuff Alice, who was eyeing him up last year."

"I, James Potter shall remind Messr Sirius Black that Frank of the most unfortunate last name called dibs on her in April, and he is the most frightening beater Gryffindor has seen since the Prewitt Twins left before we were mere firstlings."

"Do I, Messr Sirius Black, REALLY need to remind Messr James Potter that I am also a frightening beater after having tried out last year?"

"Messr James Potter is not insulting Messr Sirius Blacks' skills as a beater, but merely remarking that Messr Sirius Black was not a beater until 4th year, and Frank of the most unfortunate last name has been a beater since his 2nd."

"Only because he was the only person to try for the position."

"I, Peter Pettigrew, am wondering as to the point of this meeting…"

"Ah… right. Meeting adjourned."

Aug 11th, Summer Before 5th Year

"Moony! You're here!" Sirius exclaimed.

"Come upstairs mate, we have something of the utmost importance to show you." James urged.

"Moony? Why do you call him Moony?" Mr. Potter inquired.

"Well um," Peter spilled, "you see in 3rd year we dared him to moon-"

"Ahem! Messr. Pettigrew, first pact…" Sirius warned.

"Oh! Um… but you can't! It's the summer." Peter tried.

"They'll just think it was one of my parents." James smirked.

"But.. but Moony didn't get detention!"

"Hmm, this is true." James agreed "Hagrid has a strange sense of humor."

"I don't think I want to know." Mr. Potter sighed, and walked away.

"Congratulations Messr. Peter Pettigrew, you seem to have found a hole in the first pact, very rat like, we should fix that." Sirius noted.

"Oh! Speaking of rats…" James mentioned, "Moony, upstairs, now."

"I, James Potter, call to order this, the 39th meeting of the Marauders, in which we, the other 3 Marauders have a present for Moony, but only if he promises to never tell anyone."

"Messr. Sirius Black adds that punishment for tattling should be the mandatory shrinking of bits, along with having a list of every person Messr. Moony has ever had sexual thoughts about being printed on his face."

"Messr. Moony will reluctantly agree so long as the hole in the first pact be fixed first."

"Messr Pettigrew suggests that the punishment be 1 hour if no detention is being served."

"Messr. Black believes Messr Pettigrew is attempting to get out of lengthly punishment, and proposes a term of 1 month."

"Messr James Potter believes Messr Sirius Black is being overly harsh and suggests a compromise of 2 weeks."

"Messr Moony believes 2 weeks to be an adequate amount of time."

"Messr Sirius Black is outnumbered and must agree."

"Messr Pettigrew will submit to his punishment."

James pointed his wand at Peters bits and cast the shrinking charm.

"Now that we have served punishment, and amended the first pact, I, James Potter, suggest Messr Moony sign this magically binding document."

The agreement read as such. I, Messr Remus 'Moony' Lupin, hereby agree to never disclose the information about to be presented before this documents incineration, to anyone, on punishment of having my bits shrunk, and a list of every person I have ever had sexual thoughts about, at the time of my breach of contract, printed to my face for a period of 1 year.

Remus signed the document and then questioned "1 year? This better be important."

"Messr Sirius Black would like to inform Messr Moony that it is very important, for if we were found out we could go to Azkaban."

"Oh shit, guys, what did you do?"

"Messr James Potter would like to congratulate Messr Sirius Black on his achieving a third point in the making Messr Moony swear game."

"Yeah, what's that now? Six times he's ever sworn?" Peter asked.

"Messr Sirius Black would like to remind Messr Pettigrew that no, Messr Moony has sworn seven times. Once when Messr Peter Pettigrew informed him that we knew of certain furry problems, twice when we dared him to moon Hagrid, once when Messr James Potter got bludgeoned off his broomsti-"

"Messr Moony believes this recounting of his slow corruption to be fascinating and all that, but kindly asks Messr's James, Sirius, and Peter to get to the point."

"But of course! I, Messr James Potter would like to inform Messr Remus "Moony" Lupin, that Messr's Black, Pettigrew, and myself have all become animagi, for the purposes of being safely with Messr Moony on full moons."

Remus' mouth fell open, and Sirius turned into a large black dog, James into a mighty stag with still growing antlers, and Peter, with a small amount of struggle, into a small grey rat. The amount of emotion must have been too much, because Remus' eyes were quickly filling with tears; he sniffled, and then sobbed, and was soon unabashedly crying.

They all turned back and Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus' shoulder. James lit his wand tip and incinerated the document binding Remus to it.

"Now," Sirius said "You have to name us, it's only fair that we named you and made you Moony, so now you name us, and whatever you choose our names to be, we must agree to."

"Messr James Potter thinks Sirius should be called Grim."

"Messr Sirius Black thinks that is a horrid name and trusts Messr Moony to pick something better."

"Messr Moony believes Messr James to have Prongs sticking out of his head, and shall henceforth refer to James as such. Messr Peter's tail looks like a worm, so I dub thee Wormtail. However Messr Moony thinks Grim is a fine name for Messr Sirius, but he shall give Messr Sirius the alternative option of Padfoot, to ever remind him of the time he stepped on Marlene McKinnon's thankfully, unused, lady toiletries."

"Messr Sirius Black will cringingly accept the name Padfoot, because, well, my dog feet are kind of padded."

"Messr Prongs believes Messr Padfoot must really not like the name Grim."

"Messr Padfoot must correct Messr Prongs, in that he does not merely dislike "Grim" but rather he hates it!"

"Messr Wormtail must ask why Messr Padfoot hates Grim's so much."

"Messr Padfoot will inform all that it is because his mother saw a Grim three years ago and hasn't kicked the bucket yet. Bloody dog won't do its job."

"Messr Prongs would like to sympathize with Messr Padfoot."

"Messr Moony must now inform Messrs Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs, that he has been named Prefect this year, and believes he should be exempted from the first pact so he might be able to do his duties."

"Messr Prongs has heard Messr Moony's plea, but must deny, a tattle on your fellow Marauders is a grave offense, and under no circumstances shall you be exempted from the first pact."

"Messr Moony is disappointed in Messr Prongs' decision for now he will disappoint the professors."

"Messr Padfoot then suggests that Messr Moony tattle extra well on the misdeeds of others, but exempt Marauderly Mischief from his Prefectly Duties."

"Meeting adjourned." Proclaimed Messr Prongs.


	3. The Third Pact

October 21st, 5th Year

**The Third Pact**

"Moony! Moony isn't this great? Three girls have asked me to Hogsmeade this weekend already. Of course I already agreed to go with Marlene so I turned them down but-"

"That's nice Padfoot."

"Oh wait! Didn't that really pretty Ravenclaw Janet ask you? When are you meeting her?"

"I'm not going with her, I turned her down."

"Wuh… what? Why?"

"I just didn't want to go with her, that's all."

Sirius blinked "We need to fix you Moony." then he yelled across the room to James and Peter "Urgent meeting, in the dorm, 15 minutes!"

"You don't need to fix me Sirius."

"Don't worry 'bout that Moony, come get snacks with me for the meeting."

So they headed down to the kitchens, tickled the pear, and requested a plate of chocolate chip cookies and a pitcher of pumpkin juice be sent up.

On their way back to the dorms they continued to discuss why Messr Moony would turn down the lovely Janet of Ravenclaw, of which Messr Moony continued to insist he merely did not want to go, which Messr Padfoot did not understand in the slightest because he would have gone to Hogsmeade with all the girls who asked him, had he not actually rather fancied one Marlene McKinnon and did not wish to be rude to her. At which Messr Moony informed Messr Padfoot that he was a dog, and Messr Padfoot could not disagree, having missed the other meaning behind Messr Moony's remark.

Having returned to the dorm, James opened the meeting.

"I, James "Prongs" Potter, call to order this, the 42nd official meeting of the Marauders, in which Padfoot has something to tell us."

"I, Sirius "Padfoot" Black, must inform all of you of my great shock in hearing that our very own Messr Remus "Moony" Lupin turned down one Janet "with the big tits" of Ravenclaw house-"

"Gasp!" Went the Prongs.

"Gasp!" Went the Wormtail.

The Moony sighed and asked "Does it really matter?"

"Yes!" The other three informed him.

Sirius continued "That is why I, Sirius "Padfoot" Black propose this, a third pact, entailing that none of us be permitted to turn down a date, on punishment of growing tits as large as Janet of Ravenclaw's."

"That will be some tough transfiguration." Messr Wormtail mentioned.

"Messr Prongs reminds Messr Wormtail that he is already an animagus, and anything after that should be easy."

"Messr Padfoot proposes that after we swear this pact we make a trip, deep into the most torturous realm of library, to find such a transfiguration."

"Then I, Messr James "Prongs" Potter, agree to this, the third Marauders Pact, that I will never turn down a date, on punishment of growing tits, the size of Janet from Ravenclaw's. Until I am able to secure a date with the one I turned down."

"I, Messr Peter "Wormtail" Pettigrew, agree to this, the third Marauders Pact, that I will never turn down a date, on punishment of growing tits, the size of Janet from Ravenclaw's. Until I am able to secure a date with the one I turned down."

"I, Messr Sirius "Padfoot" Black, agree to this, the third Marauders Pact, that I will never turn down a date, on punishment of growing tits, the size of Janet from Ravenclaw's. Until I am able to secure a date with the one I turned down."

"This is ridiculous." Remus told them, "I'm not swearing to that."

"But Moony! We all did." James complained.

"Well that's your problem, I'm not going to."

"Messr Padfoot warns Messr Moony that if he doesn't we will find that spell alone and curse him with tits twice the size of Janet's."

"Messr Prongs adds that if Messr Moony manages to get rid of them we will only curse them back, bigger and bigger, until he agrees to the third pact."

Remus frowned "Fine, I Messr Remus "Moony" Lupin, agree to this, the third Marauders Pact, that I will never turn down a date, on punishment of growing breasts, the size of Janet from Ravenclaw's. Until I am able to secure a date with the one I turned down."

"Messr Prongs would like to make note of the fact that Messr Moony said "breasts" and not "tits" as agreed."

"Oh they're the same thing!" Remus exclaimed, quite frustrated.

"Messr Padfoot suggest we now move onwards to the library."

* * *

><p>"Wow Remus," Lily remarked as the troupe cautiously entered the most torturous grounds, "You actually got them to enter the library?"<p>

"Actually Lily," Remus informed "It was Sirius' idea."

She gasped.

"Gasp! Went the prude flower." Muttered Messr Padfoot.

"Messr Prongs will ask Messr Padfoot once again to cease calling his precious Lilyflower as such."

"Fine." Sirius huffed, then turning to Lily "I, Messr Padfoot proclaim that the prude flower, henceforth be referred to as Tigerlily, as they are both rather orange, and vicious!"

"And beautiful." James added.

Lily rolled her eyes and asked Remus "How do you deal with them?"

"They're actually not so bad, once you get used to the antics." Then, turning to his fellow Marauders "Now, aren't we on a mission of sorts?"

"Yes!" Sirius stated "A mission of **TITS!**"

Having said the last part rather too loudly, Messr Padfoot was henceforth banned from the library. "What a relief." He was heard to utter as he left, leaving only Messrs Moony, Wormtail, and Prongs to search for their titillating spell.


	4. The Amendment of the Third Pact

Some Months Later

**The Amendment of the Third Pact**

Three Hogsmeade trips later, and six Hogsmeade dates for one Messr Padfoot, he was having quite a lot of trouble keeping Marlene in the dark about his other escapades. So, on February 13th, having found himself with seven Valentines dates he was too frightened of owning his own pair of boobies to deny, Messr Padfoot was quite worried.

However on February 14th, with 5 fresh handprints on his cheek, and seven crying girls on his hands, all he could bother himself about, was that Messr Moony was on his very first date with a very pretty Hufflepuff named Marie, moreover, Messr Moony seemed to be enjoying himself greatly. "Finally!" He thought to himself, "My plot to get Moony a date has succeeded!" However the jumpy twisty feeling in his stomach from seeing his friend so happy was quickly put out of his mind when he received his 6th handprint.

February 15th, 5th Year

"I, Messr Padfoot propose in this, the 47th official meeting of the Marauders, that we amend the Third Pact, to avoid further painful handprints."

"Messr Wormtail inquires as to what Messr Padfoot would see changed."

"Messr Padfoot believes one should be permitted to deny offers after a date has been found."

"Messr Prongs agrees, as when his precious Lilyflower accepts he would hate to be forced into cheating."

"Messr Moony should also dislike to be found with a duplicate date, when he is quite happy with Marie."

"Messr Wormtail would be so bold as to wish for a singular date."

"Messr Prongs wishes his best luck to Messr Wormtail in that endeavour, and in seeing the Third Pact amended, closes this meeting."

March 3rd, 5th Year

"Moony! Quickly, go to Hogsmeade with me!"

"Er, I was actually going to ask Marie, Padfoot."

Sirius frowned, "Well you can still go with her too, just say yes to me so I can turn down the horde of girls outside the fat lady."

"Why not just agree to one and turn down the rest?"

"Because after Valentines I've had enough of girls for a while."

"Alright, we may as well stock up at Zonko's, meet me there at 3, now you have a "date", turn down as many others as you want."

Sirius cheered, hugged Remus, and then ran back out through the fat lady where he loudly proclaimed "NO! I'm not going to Hogsmeade with ANY of you!" Then he had a long barking laugh and happily denied girls, even a few who hadn't asked him, for the rest of the day. The teachers all assumed he had finally succumb to the Black family insanity, a thought reinforced when McGonagall approached to ask if he needed to see the school matron and he replied "Nuh-uh Minnie! I'm not going to Hogsmeade with YOU or Pomfrey EITHER! HAAAAHHAAHAHAAAA!"

She stunned him and brought him in for a calming draught.

* * *

><p>Only the ever present twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes suggested he knew the real reason for Sirius' happy denial of dates.<p>

And so, for the remaining Hogsmeade trips of the year, Sirius asked Remus, Remus asked Marie, and Sirius grew ever more annoyed when Remus spent the majority of the trip with his blasted girlfriend. Though Messr Padfoot did not quite understand why he was annoyed, Messr Moony had a girlfriend after all, and that had been his goal when Messr Padfoot had devised the Third Pact in the first place.

However, now was not the time for such ponderings, as Messr Moony was snogging Marie, and Messr Padfoot was desperately attempting to become enraptured by the endless cycle of passing trees, fields, and rocks out the trains window. But then, sweet salvation came in the form of Messr Moony's perfectly duties. Sirius could never have imagined he would be grateful that Remus had to hang out with those snobs in the Prefect's carriage.

* * *

><p>AN - Just a short little thing here, sorry. I thought it deserved its own chapter because it's a bit different paced than the previous. Next chapter will be longer.


	5. The Punishment

**WARNING: Chapter contains an incredibly vicious punishment.**

_._

* * *

><p><span>June 23<span>rd, End of 5th Year

**The Punishment, of the most Noble arse of Black**

Upon arriving back at the platform, family tradition fell back into place, so to speak. Their family house elf, Kreacher, verbally assaulted him, and praised his little Slytherin brother. Sirius scowled at Regulus, Regulus smirked at Sirius. Kreacher escorted them home, although Sirius had long ago stopped calling it that.

Tradition continued, Regulus was welcomed home with as close to hugs and kisses as the Black's had to offer, a slight raising of the corner of her crimson lips, hardly resembling a smile from Mother. A gruff "I trust you did well in your classes as usual." From Father. Then they turned to Sirius, Regulus quickly ordered Kreacher to take his trunk up, and Regulus scampered up the stairs to his room, gracefully of course, couldn't have any less from a son of Black.

Mother started in first "We hear you have been courting multiple young ladies, at ONCE! How plebeian, we raised you to hold more respect for courting tradition. You didn't even contact their fathers first! At least two of the ladies were Pureblood, albeit from bloodtraitor families. But I suppose that is the closest to propriety we're ever going to get with _you_."

His father looked down his nose at his first born, the failure, and said in a voice cold as Antarctic frost, "You will march to my office immediately and wait there quietly until I see fit to join you."

Sirius downturned his head, mumbled a "Yes sir." And began to trudge his way.

His mother scowled, "Hurry it up, your father is a busy man." and sent a stinging hex at his backside. Sirius knew sitting comfortably would soon be the least of his worries.

* * *

><p>When Sirius got to the office he carefully placed himself as to not abuse his still stinging arse. He felt his long dead relatives scowling at him from every corner of the office, glaring down at him, the besmirchment on their great and noble family 'Noble my sore arse.' Thought Sirius, but then he heard the stair creak and quickly composed himself.<p>

His father entered the room, "Well Sirius, this year I received eight letters, EIGHT! What is that? 80 detentions? More? I would list your offences to you, but I am sure you are already aware of them." He paused to flick his wand, out of the corner of the office flew a paddle, "Assume the position." He scathed.

Sirius stood, leaned himself over his father's desk and lowered his trousers, preparing to have an aching arse for weeks.

"I suppose ninety paddles shall be sufficient? One for each detention, and ten to discourage further delinquency. Count them out Sirius."

He flicked his wand once again, the paddle wound back and came crashing down on Sirius' backside, he gasped and counted "One, t-two,… three, fff-four," The "five" came out in a squeak.

Orion, satisfied in seeing the tears of pain prickling at his sons eyes, began his lecture. "Your mother and I had-"

"Six"

"-hoped that this year you would finally-"

"S-se-seven"

"-begin to better yourself, possibly fall in with a peer base-"

"Eighhht"

"-more deserving of our Noble heritage, however we see you-"

"Nine"

"-have continued hanging around your pack of blood traitors, the-"

"T-ten"

"-Pettigrew's, what a weak lot, they could have-"

"Ele…ven"

"-been such a proper family, had they not coddled their-"

"Twelve"

"children so horridly, their boy being comrades with you and that-"

"Thirt-t-teen"

"Potter boy, well they have lost all hope of ever redeeming their once-"

"Fourt-teen"

"-great family. The Potter's now, they at least are strong minded, and-"

"fifteen"

"-have always kept their bloodlines pure, but in recent generations they have-"

"Siiiixteen"

"-begun to turn into filth-loving blood traitors themselves, near as bad-"

"Seven-t-teen"

"-as the Weasleys, we had allowed their Charlus to wed our Dorea in-"

"Eighteen"

"-hopes of retrieving them from the self-destructive path they begun to-"

"Nine-t-teen"

Orion's lips twitched in approval of the specks of blood appearing on his sons behind, before continuing "-go down, but it appears even one of our-"

"Twen-ty"

"-most respectful daughters is not enough to save them, as Regulus tells-"

"Twenty-t-two" Sirius skipped a number, hoping to end the process earlier. However his father must not have been as engrossed in his rant as he'd sounded because.

"Don't skip numbers boy! Do they not teach you how to count? We will go to one-hundred for your cheating."

The paddle came down again and Sirius counted a pained "Twen-t-ty-two" again before his father continued.

"Regulus tells me the Potter boy is quite enamoured by a filthy mudblood-"

"Twenty-three"

"-which will permanently sully their bloodline if he is successful-"

"Twen-ty-four"

"-and that wretched halfblood boy you hang around-"

"Twenty-five"

"-with, the Lupins were once such an ideal family, but when they permitted-"

"T-twent-ty-six"

"-their boy to wed such absolute filth- what does she do? Housecleaning? Bah-"

"Twenty-se-seven"

"-House elves work! Can they not afford their own servants?"

"Twenty-eight"

"Peasants! The lot of them, and I have no-"

"Brain!" Sirius couldn't help but yell when the paddle descended again.

"Oh I assure you I have a brain." Orion informed him before sending a slicing charm at his son to encourage the bleeding, before continuing. "No **Doubt** that their son-"

"Twen-teee-ni-niiine"

"-is mentally deficient due to the mixing, likely a right mongrel of a filth child, might as well have bred with a troll-"

"Don't talk about Remus like that!" Sirius burst out, no longer able to control his rage, "Remus is one of the most intelligent people in all of Hogwarts!"

"Oh struck a nerve, did I boy?" He stopped the paddle before continuing, "So you see fit to befriend this troll of a boy and assist him to cheat his way-"

"REMUS WOULD NEVER CHEAT!"

"DO NOT interrupt your betters! You do not speak until **I** tell you to, CRUCIO!"

Sirius fell to the floor of the office and bit into his lip as pain shot into his body, burning fire rushed through his veins and set every nerve alight. 'I will not give him the pleasure of my screaming.' Sirius thought to himself as he bit deeper into his lip.

His father's glare intensified and the fire turned molten.

Sirius bit a hole through his bottom lip and blood rushed down his chin before his jaw snapped open and released a high reverberating shriek, as if to imitate the cold cruel laugh that would soon mark the death of hundreds.

Sirius, through whatever luck he had, blacked out.

Orion propped his unconscious son back over the desk and began paddling again counting 'thirty, thirty-one, thirty-two' in his head.

Sirius blinked his eyes open and groaned, "We are at forty-six," his father informed him "count, Sirius."

Sirius' "forty-six" came out harsh and broken, barely above a whisper, and they continued in near silence, broken only by soft counting and the steady WHACK, SMACK of the paddle to one hundred and ten. The yet, extra ten were for his insolence, Orion informed his son.

* * *

><p>Sirius waited until his father had left before he allowed himself to collapse, arse numb and the rest aching, to the floor. 'Hope my bloody arse leaves a nice Gryffindor coloured stain in the carpet.' He thought before picking himself up and stumbling, using the wall for support to his room, where he promptly passed out on his stomach.<p> 


	6. Unseen

**Unseen**

Unseen, in the shadows of the hallway.

Unseen, as he had been for ten years until his brothers disgraceful sorting to Gryffindor.

Regulus watched, watched as his brother struggled to his room. A flicker of fear and sympathy barely recognizable in his eyes. The last amount of sympathy that would ever be felt between them, until it was far too late.

Unseen, as he was so used to being, Regulus crept into his brothers room and cast the only healing spell he knew at his brothers sleeping form.

"Please Sirius, just do what Mother and Father ask of you," he whispered "they're only doing what is best for all of us." The last part, half to reassure himself as well, and then he snuck back out of the room unseen.

Always, unseen.

* * *

><p>AN - This is such a little thing, DON'T HATE ME! It has its place in the story. And I needed to express Regulus' feelings about his brothers defiance, and his families views.


	7. The Setting of Plans

June 24th, Summer before 6th Year

**The Setting of Plans**

When Sirius awoke the next morning his sheets were not as bloodstained as he'd been expecting. When he patted his bum he felt that the skin surrounding the large slicing charm had been melded together. He smiled and silently thanked his aging nanny house elf Dipsy.

He gingerly stood himself up on aching legs and walked to his mirror, where it promptly told him he had a hole in his face.

Sure enough, above a blood smeared chin and just below his bottom lip, was the large hole he didn't quite remember creating, he pointed his wand at his mouth and said the flesh mending spell as clearly as he could. It only half worked, and now his face looked like it was melting together.

He wasn't worried about underage magic warnings; number 12 Grimmauld Place was as unplottable to ministry surveillance as it was to everything else. His friends could only get letters to him if they remembered to give their owls the address.

Sirius smiled at the thought of his friends, instantly regretting it as his lip started to rip back open, but was still glad of the thought. He cast the spell yet again and admired his badly cast work, it was the best he would be able to do until he could actually speak without a lisp.

* * *

><p>He then stepped over to his trunk, the thought of his friends on his mind, He unlatched it and looked in, fighting a grin at the Gryffindor banners, flags and other memorabilia. The he looked under them, at the muggle poster James had given him for his birthday.<p>

She was gorgeous, sleek, shiny, black as night, she looked so fast, and her tires… Sirius' eyes filled with desire, her tires looked so fresh and new, her pitch dark body glimmering in the sunlight. There was some girl in the poster too, but Sirius only had eyes for the true beauty.

What a motorcycle! Sirius had only thought he knew what love would be like until he saw her, now he KNEW he was in love. He just had to have one for himself.

James had laughed when Sirius asked where he could find one, and told him you could find them on street corners in the middle of the night in large cities, and that Sirius could even take one for a ride if he had enough money.

Sirius had begged James to come to muggle London with him, then James had said there were plenty of willing girls at Hogwarts.

"Girls?" He had asked, "Oh Merlin Prongsy, I don't mean the girl! I wanna ride the BIKE!"

James laughed so hard he'd cried, and Sirius didn't quite get what he'd said that was so funny.

Sirius lifted the poster out of his trunk, thinking about how much his parents would hate it, and also about the pain his father had put him through last night. Spiteful, Sirius permanently stuck the poster to the ceiling above his bed.

'A right bastard, my father. Jamie's dad would never use a slicing charm on him, let alone a Crucio, how'd I end up with the shittiest parents, wouldn't wish them on anyone. They could at least die already.'

Sirius grabbed a Gryffindor banner and stuck it to his wall, then another. His parents might try to convert him by painting his walls Slytherin green and buying him Silver bed sheets, but by the time Sirius was done redecorating there wouldn't be a speck of 'pureblood propriety' left in the room.

Half an hour later he picked up with care, a picture of the Marauders, it had been taken by an adoring fan after they'd hung old Snivelly upside down, there was someone who deserved his parents.

Sirius raised one corner of his lips, the closest he could get to a smile, and placed the picture on his bedside table. Gingerly, he laid down on his stomach. He propped his head up on his hand and admired the picture.

* * *

><p>James and him were standing side by side in the center laughing joyfully, James only looking slightly guilty because Tigerlily 'still a prude flower' had yelled at him. Peter stood to the right of James with worship in his eyes over the great prank.<p>

Then Sirius looked at Remus, who attempted to smile, but you could see the guilt wracking his face, Remus who felt like he wasn't doing his duties as a prefect. And his own arm wrapped around Remus' waist to drag him into the photo, Remus occasionally looking back at Marie, Marie in the background looking frustrated.

'What's her problem? Isn't Remus allowed to have friends? I need to break them up next year, Remus is way too good looking for her anyway. I love how his tawny hair falls in his eyes when he's leaning over a book, and it curls just a little at the nape of his neck when he sweats. His eyes, they're so pretty and hazel, and they turn the most arousing shade of yellow around the moon. Remmy's lips are so soft looking; I wonder what it'd be like to touch them-'

Sirius frowned 'Am I thinking about kissing Remus? I think I was… Why?... oh screw it, Remus is amazing. His scars are so sexy, he hates them but I think they add character, like the one across his face and how it wrinkles when he scrunches his nose up at something he doesn't understand in a book.'

'I think I would love to lick every one of his scars. How could I arrange for that to happen without Remus thinking I was gay or something gross like that. Wait, would being attracted to Remus make me gay? But I dated all those girls too, I can't be. Maybe Remus is just so beautiful that everyone is attracted to him, even James is probably… but what if Remus likes James more than me… I should just make sure that I look really really hot for next year, that way Remus would have to be blind to like James more. Yeah, then he'd let me lick his scars.'

Plan set, Sirius decided to be extra evil for a few days until his parents would think he was turning into a proper Black and let him out of the house, so he could buy new muggle clothes.

* * *

><p>AN - Wow, that took a really long time to get up, I apologize. I thought I was going to get it up almost a month ago, but this story has sort of taken over and I no longer have a say in anything! So I had to rewrite some of this to set up for something completely different!<p> 


	8. Something New

July 8th, Summer before 6th Year

**Something New**

Having acted the epitome of what his family wanted in a son for the past 2 weeks, Sirius had finally been permitted to go to Diagon alley alone. He had narrowly escaped the destruction of his plans when cousin Bellatrix informed his parents that she would be "far too busy to watch little bitty baby Sirius, I'm sure he can manage to drool over broomsticks on his own!' So their plans of having him chaperoned had been swiftly destroyed.

So Sirius threw a pinch of floo powder and announced "Diagon Alley" loud enough for his parents to hear, stepped in, and whooshed off to his destination. Safely through he walked confidently to Gringotts, and with a quick look around to ensure no purebloods were watching, had 800 Galleons converted to muggle money. He wasn't sure how much muggles spent on things, but dearly hoped that 4000 muggle moneys would be enough for a few pairs of trousers and a new shirt or two.

Then it was off through the Leaky and into muggle London, the first few stores didn't have anything the he deemed sexy enough, despite all the stares he was already getting 'Damn, I'm gorgeous' he thought to himself. However, after 20 minutes of wandering down the streets he saw something promising, it was a colourful little shop down a side street, and the people coming out of it were getting more stares than he was.

One of them had hair in 3 different colours and spiked up in all directions. It reminded him happily of a prank the Marauders had pulled on the school, potioning everyone to have red and gold hair for a week! Sirius decided he would venture in. He was greeted with a "What'r you doin' 'ere kid?" The man reminded him of drunken Hagrid.

So he replied with good hearted honesty "I believed the people coming out of here looked awesome, and thought I'd come explore."

"Well what are you wearing anyway? You look somethin' medieval."

It was then that Sirius realized, despite the diversity of the muggle clothes he'd seen today, he really did stand out, and not in a good way. Maybe all those stares he'd gathered hadn't been because he looked good after all. He didn't let himself fret, he was here for new clothes after all. Then he realized the man was staring at him, and hurried to reply "Yeah, well, it's comfortable."

The man grinned, and Sirius wandered further into the store. There were various colourful people, their hair, all different colours of the rainbow, some was spiked, some down, some shaved off at the sides. One boy wore pants with multiple zippers all over them, Sirius was reminded of Hagrid's coat. He couldn't help but bob his head along to a catchy song the store was playing, something sarcastic about saving the Queen.

That was when he saw it, he'd seen motorcyclists wearing them and had wanted one for himself, a leather jacket. Sirius picked it up and tried it on for size, it was a slight bit too small but a boy with green hair spiked up in all directions was nodding his approval at the sight. So Sirius stepped to a mirror, he was right, the jacket was a bit tight. It hugged his body and showed off his broad shoulders. Sirius tried very hard to think about how the girls at Hogwarts would react, but instead found himself fretting over if Remus would like it. He squashed the thought and forced himself to the present, where the green haired boy was now, rather close to him.

"That's a nice jacket, you gonna decorate that?"

Sirius blinked, "umm….?"

"Okay, well, what're your favourite bands?"

Sirius couldn't very well go listing off wizarding bands, instead he said "Well, I liked the last song that was on…" And, as an afterthought, "This one's rather catchy too."

The boy smirked a little, "So the Sex Pistols, my favourite, and The Clash then." He then dragged Sirius over to a little box filled with buttons and metal things and little scraps of fabric with people and words on them. The boy at least, seemed to know what he was doing and grabbed a yellow and pink bit of fabric with "Never mind the bollocks, here's the Sex Pistols" splashed across it, and a green and orange patch with a group of guys and "The Clash" written on it.

The boy seemed to go on autopilot, muttering about loads of safety pins, and how you could use them as piercings or whatever, Sirius was too distracted by the little metal spikes to pay much attention. The boy looked over at him "Ah, studs, nice eye grab a handful or three yeah? Wha's your name anyway?"

"Sirius"

"Er… no really, what is it.?"

"No, I'm Sirius, my parents named me Sirius, and you are?"

The boy stared, then grinned, "I'm Ryan, and your parents must have a strange sense of humour."

"You could call it that" Sirius muttered darkly, thinking of slicing spells and Cruciatus curses.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I didn' mean ta bring up a rough topic, 's not my business anyhow" He then grinned, "If you're interested, wanna come to my friends place for a bit of a party and get acquainted? We could decorate that jacket of yours there too"

Sirius grinned back and agreed, but warned that he should be home before dark.

He went to the cash register and quickly realized that 4000 muggle moneys had been much more than he'd needed when his total, for the jacket, all the accessories, a pair of trousers, and 3 T-shirts, rang up as barely 200 "pounds" he believed the man said.

Ryan and Sirius ventured out of the store and started down the street, but suddenly Sirius stopped "She's gorgeous," he whispered.

Ryan turned back with a small frown and asked "Who?"

"No no, not a person, that bike."

Ryan grinned "Got a fancy for female motorbikes huh?"

Sirius let out his characteristic bark of a laugh and replied "Yeah, I think I should buy one. My best mate thought I was talking about a _girl_ of all things when I started talking about them. Who'd want a girl when they could have a motorcycle?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Oh gosh guys, I swear I haven't forgotten about you. But I'm putting off doing my lab report, and a math assignment, both due in 2 days, to write and post this for you because I feel so bad about the delay. This will have to appease you until my reading week in late March though, because I don't have any time for much more! Sorry... :(**


	9. Getting Acquainted in Muggle London

**Getting "Acquainted" in Muggle London**

Alright, initial warning; this chapter involves casual sex, marijuana, and punks. If this offends your tastes, it's not vital to read this chapter, however characters mentioned in the chapter will be in the story later, and really? This is a slash story, so if sex offends you, why are you even reading. My depiction of punk culture may not be entirely accurate; I'm basing their style, music tastes, lingual abilities, etc. on the exaggerated behaviour of my alt. friends. Also, I am NOT promoting drug use. Keep in mind that this story takes place in the late 70's, a time when drug use was rather common. I've pushed punk culture by a bit, as it's only '76 in the story now. But I wanted to use music from '77-'79, I'm trying to keep this relatively cannon. But the idea of a punk rocker Sirius was just too good to pass up. Onward to the story!

* * *

><p>When they arrived at Ryan's friends house, a large young man stumbled to the door with a fat rat on his shoulder and a bottle of some muggle alcohol. "Fwelllgom ta my hummblle aboddeee" the man slurred, obviously drunk, "meh nameezz Tweaka, call me tha'!"<p>

"Um.. all right, Tweaker? N-nice house you have." Sirius returned while looking about the small dingy apartment, the walls were peeling and a bit yellow, paintings obviously done by the owner or his friends were pinned haphazardly to the walls, Sirius' eye was drawn back to the rat who looked near identical to Wormtail.

"Ye like ma rat? He name's Shi'head."

Now there was a guy singing about wanting to have his own riot. It took Sirius a while to notice the record player spinning away in the corner beside a bottle of glue. Tweaker started talking about conspiracy theories that the muggle government was involved in and Sirius thought it was all rather ridiculous but then, he knew his family bought off the Ministry quite often, so perhaps the muggles did the same, Sirius just smiled along to the conversation. Tweaker even let him hold Shithead.

He didn't notice Ryan going to flop on the battle worn couch and picking up a funny looking cigarette. It wasn't until the flat was filled with smoke that Sirius looked over and noticed the main room was occupied by eight people all passing around two glass objects filled with the smoke.

He wandered over to Ryan and asked "What are they doing?"

Ryan blinked and looked up with pink eyes, "They're gettin' baked."

"Baked?" Sirius questioned.

""You never blaze before Sirius? It's nice, relaxing, makes you feel all floaty, kind of like flying."

"I love flying," Sirius said stupidly "Can I try?"

Ryan smiled "'course you can," then he called across the room "Tweak, Philly? Bring the pipe over here yeah?"

Soon Sirius was choking out smoke as they told him to hold it in longer, then he was holding it, eyes stinging until it burst forth from his lungs in a puff of smoke and he started coughing again. Then Ryan was seated on his lap and for some reason this was really nice and he blew his next hit out really smooth into Ryans mouth and felt like he was floating and Ryans tongue was in his mouth, he had no idea where the sex pistols shirt he'd bought today had gone but "Ow!" Wait no, that was rather nice, little bite mark on his collarbone. Somehow he was lying on the floor and Ryan was going lower… and lower… and "ooohhhhh…" he breathed.

An embarrassingly short time later, he opened his eyes, Ryan was lounging on his chest, grinning up at him "You're gorgeous when you moan like that."

Sirius felt the blood rushing to his cheeks, Ryan continued, looking slightly let down, "But who's this 'Remmy' bloke you like to mumble about?"

"Shit," Sirius apologized "I didn't mean to, he's my best mate, he's perfect, er, I'm sorry…"

Ryan smirked to hide a frown "Hey, no hard feelings. He must be pretty damn great if he distracted you from me."

"I'm sorry…."

"Nawwhhh, what'd I just say Siri? It's fine, so long as you share him with me sometime yeah? Until you manage to catch him though, why don't we just be friends with benefits?"

"I… was, THAT? Benefits?"

"Yup."

"Yeah, okay, benefits… right."

Sirius looked around the room, noticing the glue bottle now sat on the table with Tweaker and three others. Only then realizing he'd just gotten head in front of four people, though none of them seemed to notice, or care.

"Here's your shirt darling," Ryan winked, apparently no longer hurt, "Now, you mentioned you wanted a motorcycle? Cause I know a guy you could get one off for a decent price…" 

* * *

><p>AN: Gosh look at that, another chapter, however small. Try not to expect me to get a snow day too often now! As that's the only reason I've been able to type this out and post today.<p> 


	10. Back in Black

**July 9th 12:23 am**

**Back in Black**

* * *

><p>When Sirius arrived home it was well after dark, Ryan being true to his word had brought Sirius to a store where he purchased a motorcycle for only 800 pounds. It was cheaper than his broomstick, and he knew he'd spend all summer fixing her up and making her fly. She was gorgeous, a shiny black 1969 TR6R Triumph. His mouth watered at the thought of riding her for the first time. He'd disappointedly explained that his parents would hate it, and the store keeper had been kind enough to let him store her there for a small fee until he found an appropriate home for such a beautiful bike.<p>

Sirius entered his house that night with his new clothing folded neatly into a Madame Malkins bag, back in his robes, and with the biggest grin on his face he had ever worn in that house. However, his victory was short lived.

**"SIRIUS ORION BLACK! COMING INTO THIS HOUSE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! YOU WERE ORDERED TO BE BACK BEFORE DINNER!"**

Sirius started sprinting to his room, but his mother simply apparated to the top of the stairs and continued **"AND DON'T YOU THINK YOU'VE GOTTEN AWAY WITH ANYTHING! WE HAD A TRACKING CHARM ON YOU!"**

Sirius dodged past her and tossed his bag into his room before his father came down the hall and blasted him away from the door.

**"MUGGLES? FILTHY PIGMEN? WE RAISED YOU BETTER! TO THINK, YOU SPENT THE ENTIRE DAY CONSORTING WITH SUCH A DISGRACEFUL CREATURE!"**

Sirius stood up and started casting protego's against his angry fathers curses as he made his way back towards his door.

**"VERMIN! STAIN ON MY FLESH! UNNATURAL FREAK! RUIN OF MY NOBLE BLOODLINE!"** His mother continued.

One of his fathers spells hit their target and Sirius collapsed to his knees.

"Now Walburga," his father calmly interjected, "There are better words than insults to punish the boy with."

"How right you are Orion," Then turning her wand on Sirius, **"CRUCIO!"**

Sirius screamed as his mother's rage filled his body like knives that sunk into every nerve before twisting and plunging deeper. His fathers own Cruciatus curse set him alight with pain, like lava running through his veins. It felt as if it had gone on for weeks, though he knew it had only been a few minutes, when they finally let up.

Sirius crawled towards his door, sweet escape on his mind. But his punishment was long from over.

"Incendio" his father whispered with malice. Then he really was on fire, rolling in pain and screaming as the flames grew hotter and scorched through his skin.

His mother had her wand pointed up at the crystal chandelier on the landing and suddenly it came crashing down on his back, shattering, and shards flying into his charred flesh. He felt something snap on the left of his spine, a sharp pain which persisted and each agonizing breath he took resulted in a splatter of crimson coughing and choking its way from his chest onto the hard wood floors.

The last thing he heard before everything went black was his father saying "Now Walburga, it may damage my political standing if _it_ were to die."

* * *

><p><strong><span>An Unknown Date and Time, Summer Before 6th Year<span>**

Sirius woke up, his eyes crusted shut, his throat felt like sandpaper. He attempted to raise his arm to wipe away the crust. After using all his energy raising it a few inches, it fell back to his side. He coughed. To greet him, he heard the unmistakable crack of a house elf entering.

He felt his body propped up against some cold rough wall… concrete?

A cold liquid was splashed into his face, he opened his mouth to catch a few rivulets of what he hoped was water.

It was, but something was off.

He felt tired. He went to sleep.

* * *

><p><strong><span>An Unknown Amount of Time Later<span>**

His eyes were no longer crusted shut, so he opened them. He was greeted by blackness. Not a single pinprick of light. His eyelids were heavy, he closed them.

He heard a crack. Felt the cool glass of a vial press against his lips. He opened his mouth to ask what the potion was, it was dumped into his mouth before he could get a noise out. He tasted invigoration draught. 'Well, at least they're making an effort to keep me alive.'

As he became more aware of his surroundings, a thin line of light across the room indicated a door. Energy building, his thoughts turned to escape.

He lurched forward in a mad attempt to rise to his feet.

He let out a shriek as the dull throb of a still healing bone screamed with a morbid _snap_. He collapsed to his side, breath ragged. The crack of a house elf mocked his inability to move. Potions were dumped into his mouth, he swallowed obediently. The pain numbed again. He felt his ribs shifting back into place, and then, darkness.

* * *

><p><strong><span>An Unknown Number of Days Later<span>**

Sirius woke up, and feeling slightly better than before, stretched out on his little piece of floor. Still wary of moving too much, he looked around for the sliver of light he'd seen before.

There, near his feet. The door. He carefully maneuvered himself onto his stomach, back protesting every twist and turn. He began to drag himself towards it.

_Crack._

"Mistress has orders Kreacher that The Disgrace is not leaving."

"Shut up and bring me to my room Kreacher."

"Kreacher isn't to listen to The Disgrace. Disgrace to stays here till Mistress wishes to continue punishings."

"Kreacher, I ORDER you to take me to my room."

"Master has orders Kreacher not to be orders by Disgrace. Masterses orders is being more important."

"FUCK YOU KREACHER!"

Kreacher threw a plate on the floor in front of Sirius. Then, _crack_. It mocked him.

Sirius, realized just how hungry he really was. Hungry enough to eat the gruel off the floor. It was a cold and tasteless paste.

When he finished, Sirius felt marginally better still. He rose to his hands and knees and crawled forward towards the door, reaching up to find the handle, his body collapsed under him, his chin hit the concrete floor with a _snap_.

_Crack_.

"Disgrace must be hurting hisself purposely to keep Kreacher from his work. Bad Disgrace!" Kreacher scolded him, "If yous' was a house elf you should be made to shut earses in the oven."

Sirius clawed at the floor as Kreacher dragged him back into the corner. Kreacher forced Sirius' mouth open and poured a potion in.

_Crack._

* * *

><p>AN: Hah, I wrote like 4 chapters on my snow day. I was going to space them out over the next month by posting every Friday, but I keep looking at the chapters I <strong>could <strong>be posting and feeling guilty. So here's another one.


	11. Escape

An Unknown Date and Time, Summer Before 6th Year

**Escape**

Sirius woke up, he didn't know when. The light was not there. He assumed this meant it was night. He lied there for a few minutes, waiting for the crack. It did not come. He felt much better than he had before, his back still ached with what felt like, not long ago regrown bones. He got to his knees, and crawled to the edge of the room, feeling around the walls, looking for the door. Each creak of the stairs making him freeze and wait.

Finally, he felt a small gap, and hovering around the area, he found the knob. Carefully, slowly, he turned it. The door was unlocked. It opened with a small click. He froze, waiting, waiting. No crack to greet him, he opened the door.

Before him on the floor lit by the dim light coming through the cellar window, was his wand, and a scrap of paper. In the dim light of the crescent moon he read.

'_Sirius, no longer of my name,_

_Take your wand and get out, your filthy purchases are in the neighbours' garbage bins. Consider theirs and your survival as a last gift from me. Your mother would have seen fit to end your much regretted life. Never contact us again._

_He who has known mercy'_

'Like I'd come near this fucking madhouse again,' Sirius thought as he burned the note to ash.

He quickly crawled out the back door, careful not to make noise. He continued down to the road, and digging through the neighbours trash found his Madame Malkins bag of muggle clothes. Grabbing it, and crawling down the block a safe distance, he called the Knight Bus.

With a bang it stopped in front of him, "Where to?" The conductor asked him.

"The Leaky Cauldron."

"Well what're you doin' on the ground then? Get up, get up. Eight sickles that'll be, you want some hot chocolate? A bed?"

"No, and no." Sirius said, hauling himself aboard, and handing the conductor a handful of muggle money, that was still in his bag.

"Well what am I supposed to do with this shite?"

"Oh shut up, that's far more than 11 sickles, enough more than it's worth the trouble to get it converted."

"Very well," The conductor said. "Ernie, make it extra bumpy for our rude customer over here"

"Oh fuck," Sirius muttered.

The ride proceeded to jostle his poor sore body all the way to the Leaky Cauldron, at which point he apparently took too long in getting off, because the conductor gave him a little shove "To help you off" He'd said as explanation.

Sirius stumbled and landed in the gutter.

After a moment he picked himself up, helped himself to his feet, and began to limp slowly to Tweakers' flat.

There was no way in hell he was letting Jamie see him like this. Even less was he willing to let Mrs. Potter get a look at him, she'd send him straight off to bed and not let him out to have any fun for the rest of the summer. He couldn't go to Remus' either, he knew his family could barely afford to keep a werewolf son alive and in Hogwarts after the money they'd spent trying to find a cure. Peter, he just wouldn't understand.

Tweaker was his only option, because Tweaker would know where to find Ryan, and Ryan, at least, would treat him how he wanted to be.

July 24th 1:18 am

After an hour of walking, Sirius arrived in Camden town, just outside the flat he knew Tweaker lived in. He looked up to see lights on, and opened the door, making his way upstairs he could hear music playing. He knocked on the door, it opened a minute later and "Hiya? Um, who… oh! Righ, yer Rye's dude. Er, you look like shit mate. Come on in."

Sirius stumbled in.

"Ya know, he hasn' quite shuddup 'bout you, he's been worried when he didn' see you around."

"Well, my parents weren't too happy with me…"

"Yeah, well yer reekin up the place mate, go take a damn shower."

Sirius gladly went to the bathroom to do just that. When he got out, dressed in his muggle clothes Tweaker had a bag of crisps in hand, "Eat up then, let's take a look at you. Your face is all messed up."

Sirius reached into the bag and scarfed down the delicious crisps flinching every so often as Tweaker poked and prodded at his back, when Tweaker lifted up his shirt he heard a whispered "Well fuck…"

His back was covered in scars and bruises from the chandelier.

"Wha' the FUCK happened t' you mate?"

"I told you," Sirius muttered "My parents weren't too happy with me."

"Yer 'rents did THIS to you? What the bloody fucking SHIT!"

"Yeah, I'm not planning on going back… ever."

"Why're you so right with this? This is fucked up! Hey my old man didn' like me much either but he nev'r did shit that wouldn' heal up in a few days."

Sirius frowned "It's just always been this way, I KNOW it's messed up. But you get used to it. I've always been the family disgrace, never doing anything right. I'm not evil enough for them. I'm the white sheep of the Black family."

"Fuck," Tweaker scathed, "I've gotta go call Rye, don' care if his mum'll be pissed. He'd skin me if I didn' get 'im over here righ' now."

Sirius leaned back into the old broken couch and ate crisps.

July 24th 2:06 am

"Sweetie, I'm home" Ryan called when entering the flat.

"Yeah yeah, you fuckin' poof, yer boyfriends asleep on my couch. I'm goin' to bed mate."

Ryan looked over and saw Sirius snuggled into the couch, "Wait, you said something wa' wrong with him? What happened?"

"His parents, tha's what."

Ryan frowned, making his way over. He settled down onto the couch beside Sirius, "Alrigh', night then." He said, looking down at Sirius' bruised face.

"Siri? Wake up."

"mmmmmhhhnnnggg"

"Siri… come on, wake up and tell me yer okay."

"Hmmmm, Rye' mm fine." Sirius buried his face in Ryan's lap.

"Well 'm not sayin' I don't like tha position but,…."

Sirius snorted sleepily.

Ryan helped him sit up, and touching Sirius' cheek "Your 'rents beat you up darlin'?"

"Mmhmmm" Sirius nodded. "mm tired"

Ryan sighed, "Fine then, let's sleep, I'll interrogate you in the morning."

Then they cuddled up in the old couch and slept until two in the afternoon.

* * *

><p>AN: Happy Valentines Day, I figured I'd give you all something ending on a happy note for this weekend.<p> 


	12. Second Son

**AN: Okay, for those of you soon to be confused, "quid" = pound, as in, British currency. It's slang, I have no idea when it originated, but plenty of people use it now, so, into the story it goes.**

* * *

><p><span>July 30<span>th, Summer Before 6th Year

**The Second Son**

After a week filled with junk food for every meal, dying his hair bright red, smoking, and Ryan being a devious little nympho, Sirius knew his owl telling him the results of his OWL's would be coming in any day now, thankfully Tweaker had said to Sirius the night before "Right mate, we love ya, but you eat, a LOT. We can't affor' to keep you."

Sirius had grinned "I'll leave in the morning, and visit you whenever I can, thanks for everything."

"Nnnoooooooo," Ryan slurred, "Sirrii, you canna leave meee."

"I'll visit you plenty, but my bike actually runs now, and Jamie will be expecting me"

"Thiis, Jamie fella, he gonn steal you…?"

"No he's not. He's practically my brother, and I already said. I'll come visit you all the time."

July 31st 10:46 am

The next morning Sirius turned to Tweaker "Thanks for having me mate, but look. I have a bunch of money from my parents, but I don't want their tainted money, and you could use it. Now I already spent a bunch on clothes and fixing up my bike, but I hope the rest is enough to cover your rent this month." He then handed over a small stack of bills.

Tweaker looked at it, counted it, eyes getting wider and wider. "Mate, there's over two thousan' quid in here. I can't take all this."

"Nope, I don't want their tainted money."

"Where the fuck did your family get all this anyway? Sellin' coke or some shit?"

"From killing people probably."

"Y'know, a week ago I wouln' have believed that. But really, you're gonna need money for petrol, take half, at leas'."

Sirius thought about it, "No, I'll take 50 quid for petrol. The rest is yours."

Tweaker frowned, "Wait here a minute."

He walked over to the kitchen and reached to the back of the cupboard, pulling out a big bag of weed. "Take this at leas' then, fuck. It's only worth 80 quid in there, but you gotta take somethin."

Sirius smirked "Fine, I'll take that. Now lemme give Rye a kiss goodbye, then I gotta be off."

Ryan pounced on Sirius "Come see me soon?"

"In a week or two, yeah."

"Not good enough, you said you're goin' to tha' fancy rich kid school all year after!"

"I'll visit you during Christmas break. And I'll come in a week."

"Ya better." Ryan planted a sloppy kiss on Sirius' mouth.

Then Sirius packed a small backpack. Went downstairs and straddled his motorcycle. He started it up, turned to wink at Ryan, and then he was off.

"THIS REMUS BLOKE BETTER GIVE THE BEST DAMN HEAD IN THE WORLD OR I'MA STEAL YOU BACK!" Ryan shouted after him.

Sirius barked out a laugh as he turned the corner, 'Well off to Potter manor then.'

Four hours, and two stops later, Sirius was in the middle of Wales when he saw an owl flying furiously after him, he pulled to the side of the road and accepted his letter.

It was addressed,

'Mr. Sirius Black,

Road Beside a Field,

0.3 miles North of Tredomen,

Wales'

'Ordinary Wizarding Level Results

Pass Grades

Outstanding (O)

Exceeds Expectations (E)

Acceptable (A)

Fail Grades

Poor (P)

Dreadful (D)

Troll (T)

Sirius Orion Black

Has achieved:

Astronomy O

Charms O

Defense Against the Dark Arts E

Herbology A

History of Magic A

Potions E

Transfiguration O

Ancient Runes O

Care of Magical Creatures E

Muggle Studies E

Headmaster: Albus Dumbledore

_Order of Merlin First Class, Grand Sorc., Supreme Mugwump, Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot'_

"Fuckin' awesome! I passed everything!"

Sirius tucked the letter away and continued his journey to the Potters. An hour and a half later he pulled up to the manor and knocked on the door.

It opened almost instantly, "Padfoot! Mate, Where have you been, the prophet reported almost a week ago that you'd been disowned and we've been expecting you ever since."

Mrs. Potter looked passed her sons shoulder "Yes Sirius, do come in. I'll have Klunky bring us tea and you can explain what has happened."

Sirius grinned "Thanks Mrs. Potter, tea would be lovely."

Then James shrieked "What happened to your hair?"

"I made some lovely friends in London Prongsie dearest, stayed with them for a week before I came here."

"Did they prank you or something?"

"Nope, did this myself."

"You're nuts."

"Hey James, do you have somewhere I can stash my new bike?"

James looked out into the yard, "Bloody hell you got a motorcycle."

"James! Watch your tongue."

"Sorry mum," Then he stuck his tongue out and said "I'lwll maawk sthure to walch it goob."

"I'll keep an eye on it for you too Mrs. Potter" Sirius added rather seriously.

"Brats." She smiled, leaving for the sitting room.

James and Sirius followed her in, both still watching James' tongue.

"Alright, you can put your tongue away now."

James did so, then asked "But mum, how am I supposed to watch it now?"

"I'm sure you can leave it unwatched for now."

"Really?" He asked "Bloody buggering arse licker!" He exclaimed.

"James Harold Potter, don't cuss in my house." Mr. Potter grumbled, entering the room.

"But Mr. Potter," Sirius defended "Mrs. Potter said he didn't have to watch his tongue any more."

"Ah, Sirius, didn't realize you were here. Though I should have known, James rarely cusses lest he's trying to look rebellious in front of you."

James blushed.

"Awwhhh, Prongsie! I didn't know you cared so much!"

"Alright then boys, this has been quite enough." Mrs. Potter interjected, "Now Sirius, do tell us how exactly you came to be disowned."

"Well, see, I made friends with some muggles, when I had snuck out to muggle London, to buy muggle clothes, and my motorcycle, and then because I was with them, I didn't get home until rather late. So my parents punished me for that, and then I ran away, stayed with my muggle friends for the last week, and came here."

"These muggles," Mr. Potter frowned, eying the marks on Sirius' neck "what exactly did you do while you were with them."

Sirius felt the heat rise to his cheeks, "Uhh, well, we listened to music, had a few parties, fixed up my motorcycle, yeah."

"Oh you had some _parties _did you, any girls at these parties I should meet?" James asked lewdly.

Mrs. Potter sniffed "That is quite enough James."

Mr. Potter sighed, "Well Sirius, you're more than welcome to stay here for the rest of the summer. Try not to get into too much trouble will you?"

"Of course Mr. Potter, thank you." Sirius then stood, and galloped up the stairs after James.

Mrs. Potter smiled to her husband, "It's almost as if we had twin Hippogriffs instead of one boy isn't it?"

"Practically our second son…" Mr. Potter agreed.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Gosh, I didn't even notice that I'd broken 10,000 words with the last chapter. Belated celebrations! Yaayyy, officially the longest story I've ever written. And to my guest reviewer, don't fret! Remus will be here soon! The story summary says EVENTUAL SBRL slash for a reason. Stick around, and I can promise you it will happen.**


	13. Flying

August 1st 12:06 am, Summer Before 6th Year

**Flying**

That evening, when the older Potters were in bed, Sirius got out the bag of weed and passed it to James.

"Where'd you find this much Gillyweed Sirius?"

"Well I dunno about the Gilly, but the weed is a goodbye present from my muggle friends. Come outside and we'll smoke some yeah?"

So they made their way outside and sat under the big willow tree out back. Sirius grabbed his pipe and packed a bowl. Soon James was coughing out big clouds of smoke.

"Pads? What's the point in this?"

"It's like flying."

"Why didn't we just get some brooms and do that then?"

"You'll see."

Fifteen minutes later James understood, "Pads, this is crazy. I feel awesome."

They lied back in the grass and looked at the stars for a while.

"Hey Jamie?"

"Yeah Padfoot?"

"I like blokes."

"I know Padfoot."

"No, like, I want to kiss guys."

"I know Siri, as long as you don't want to give mini me a strokin', I don't care."

"You're the best Prongs."

"I know."

"Conceited prick."

"Snake kisser."

"Git."

"…Do you want to go eat a pie?"

"Yeah… That'd be nice," Sirius thought aloud, "Klunky?" He called.

_Crack_. "How cans Klunky be serving young Masters tonight?"

"Can you get us a pie?"

"No, make that two pies." James corrected.

_Crack._

Seconds later an apple pie and a cherry pie landed between them with plates and forks. Forgoing the plates, they dug in.

"Hey Padfoot, this Ryan bloke you've rambled about half the night, he your boyfriend?"

"No, we're friends with benefits."

"I wish Lily would be my friend with benefits."

"You wish Lily would do anything other than hate you."

"Yeah… We really need to get Peter a girlfriend this year."

"We really need to break Remmy up with his girlfriend this year." Sirius replied.

"Wait, what? Why? He's happy."

"Exactly, and her dad is trying to pass a law that forces werewolves to inform any possible employers of their condition."

"Shit." James agreed.

"Exactly, she's just going to turn him over if he ever tells her. It'll shatter him."

"Are you sure you haven't got ulterior motives?"

"Maybe a few… but mostly, I want him to be okay."

"…Wait, you're into Moony?"

"You tell him and I'll hex your balls off."

"…Noted."

* * *

><p><span>August 1st 9:12 am<span>

"Boys?" Mrs. Potter called "Did you sleep out in the field?"

"mmhhnnnmmmg" James replied.

"Are you okay?"

"Uh, yeah mum. We just fell asleep talking."

"Alright, just come inside for breakfast then."

James shook Sirius awake, "Hey, Padfoot. Get up, we fell asleep. It's morning."

"Wuuhhh, Prongs? Mmmk, up then."

They walked back to the manor and sat down at the table to begin breakfast, but first Mrs. Potter frowned at them "Do you boys know where the two pies I had set out for my bridge club went?"

"Er… we were hungry."

"So you ate two whole pies?"

"We were _really_ hungry?"

She sighed, "Klunky is absolutely distraught, he didn't know the pies weren't to be eaten, I had to stop him from taking the iron to his hands."

Sirius and James started to feel really guilty. "I know!" Sirius thought up, "We'll help Klunky make new pies!"

Mrs. Potter frowned at him, "Without setting the kitchen on fire? Again…"

"We'll let Klunky do most of the work, all the oven related stuff. We'll just help with the mixing!"

Mrs. Potter smiled, "Well, I suppose you can't do too badly with the elves there to assist you. Very well, that's your punishment. They'll need to be done by three this afternoon."

"We can manage that! Come on James, let's go help bake!"

"You've finally cracked haven't you Sirius, you actually want to cook."

"Well, I'm going to have to figure it out eventually aren't I? It's not like the Black elves are going to continue feeding me now that I'm disowned."

"You know you can live here, right?"

"Well of course I do Jamsie! But that doesn't mean I want to live here _**forever**_, I'll get a job after Hogwarts and we can get a flat in Diagon Alley together."

"But I'm going to marry Lily after Hogwarts."

"Well you aren't going to marry her straight off, you'll have to be engaged for a nice amount of time first, meet her parents, give her a chance to realize no one in their right mind would want to marry you and break it -"

"Oi! You twat, she'll love me dearly by the end of this year and be all ready to get married straight out of school, you'll see!"

"Want to bet on that?"

"Sure, five galleons."

"Now mate, five galleons isn't a bet you make on the supposed love of your life."

"Fine, fifty galleons. Here I was trying to be nice and not take the last pitiful knuts of your vault but…"

They bantered all the way to the kitchen, leaving Mrs. Potter in the dining room thinking 'Lily? I really need to find out who this girl is, all James talks about these days… if only I knew what she looked like, I could start picking out flower arrangements for their bonding ceremony.'


	14. Punk is Dead

**Punk is Dead**

August 7th, Summer Before 6th Year

Sirius and James spent the rest of the week playing pick-up Quidditch, riding around on Sirius' motorcycle, pranking each other mercilessly, and smoking carefully out of sight of the adult Potters. After many exchanged owls they had it arranged that Remus and Peter would come over for the third week in August.

Meanwhile, a mini prank war had been occurring inside Potter manor: hair dying potions in the food; tickling, dancing, backwards talking spells were flung through the halls, robes had been charmed to only be worn inside out, and transfigured cats and dogs were raining from the dining room ceiling.

Mrs. Potter sighed to her husband, "We really need to get them out for a day or two before they destroy the place."

Mr. Potter grinned to his wife, "Didn't Sirius say he had muggle friends in London? We could dump them there for a bit…"

Mrs. Potter's face grew a wicked smirk, "Why not toss them through the floo tonight, straight to the Leaky?"

"I'll arrange to have to have their dinners spiked with a mild sleeping potion." Mr. Potter gave his wife a quick peck on the cheek.

"Oh we should really give them a few galleons to feed themselves with."

"And orders to complete their school shopping with it too?"

"Excellent, we can charm the note straight onto their forearms." She suggested.

"I knew there was a reason I married a Slytherin."

Mrs. Potter swatted her husband lovingly, and at 8:56 pm that evening, two boys were rudely awoken by the bartender of the Leaky Cauldron splashing water in their faces.

August 7th 8:56 pm

Two rather multi-coloured boys woke up drenched on the floor of the Leaky Cauldron. James' hair still green and pink, and Sirius' blue with black spots, from the prank war.

"What? Where are we…"

"Look at your arm mate."

'_Boys,' _it read,

'_Do your school shopping with the money in your pockets; don't come home until you've finished with your little war._

_Love mum and dad'_

"Hmmm, I guess that means we're never allowed back." James grinned.

"We'll stay out of their hair for a few days, then they get to deal with what little angels we are."

They were glad that they were both wearing relatively muggle clothes, however James, being outside of the Potter wards, and no longer able to use his wand without ministry notice, had to approach the bartender to ask for the image on his shirt to be frozen. Obviously a moving picture on his shirt would draw unwanted attention.

"Well, I'm sure Tweak wouldn't mind us to pay them a visit for a day or two."

"What exactly IS this 'Tweaker' fellows' real name?"

"You know Prongs, I have no idea."

They quickly made their way over to Camden town and up to Tweakers flat.

"Sup Sirius?"

"Not much, my mates' parent's booted us for a few days." Sirius replied.

"Apparently we were wreaking too much havoc for them." James added.

"Well, havoc shall a'ways be welcome 'ere, come in."

They had barely stepped through the door when a flying red blur knocked Sirius to the floor.

"Squaakk!" Went the Sirius

"Siri!" Went the blur. Who turned out to be Ryan.

"Poofs." Grinned the Tweaker and the Prongs together.

Sirius stood, picking up the bundle that was Ryan with him. "Gits." He grinned to James and Tweaker, carrying Ryan to the couch before they flopped down into its saggy mass together.

James and Tweaker stared at each other for a moment, before going to sit on the floor.

James looked around the flat as the group talked, taking in the old couch that looked like it'd been scrounged from the roadside, the colourful pages of bizarre art pinned to the walls, the little bunched up piece of cardboard under a table leg keeping it even. The entire place, every furnishing and highlight, looked homemade or second hand. The flat had a strange charm to it, its yellowed walls of peeling paint, cracked floor tiles, the dirt under the cupboards, yet it felt like such a home, and he could easily imagine Sirius spending the better part of a lifetime content in a place such as it.

"Well we gotta have a party ta welcome ya back Sirius," Tweaker mentioned, "I'll call up Philly an' a few others, mayb's they can pick 's up a forty on their way down."

Not even an hour later the tiny flat was packed, booze was being passed around, a new bands album was on the record player and halfway through the first side, James was desperately trying to decipher the lyrics, confused and a bit tipsy he asked "Sirius? How is punk dead? Aren't we surrounded by them right now?"

Sirius was rather distracted with Philly's hair, making the mad attempt to fan it into a mohawk. Ryan answered James' question instead, "I think wha' Crass is sayin', 's that punk was dead before it even got goin'. Like, the secon' punk became a 'thing' with a recognizable 'style', and bands makin' money, it was ove'. Punks all bout not bein' the same old thing, no' doin' it for money, standing up to the shitty status quo this society seems s' fond of. But now, it' a thing, it's become its own style. Punk's dead."

James nodded, not quite understanding the answer, but was content to think on it when he was sober. He went back to his beer. The music was loud and some partygoers sang along together, others jumped around wildly and flailed their arms, yet more sat still smoking and enjoying the atmosphere that had been set for them. Sirius had glue in his hair and Tweaker was spiking it in all manner of different directions at the table, Ryan was sitting peacefully in the corner with a book in one hand and a spliff in the other, steadily adding ash to the already overflowing tray.

He had to wonder, just how Sirius managed to find such strange people. He looked around the room at the vast diversity of hair colour, sexuality, fashion statements, he had to think it was so completely different from anyone at Hogwarts, and so completely different from anything he'd seen of muggles before. But in its own way, they were all exactly the same, they all had the same underlying philosophy of life, and they all loved to shout, drink, and party. He looked around the room and saw immense diversity, distinct from the accepted norm. Yet they'd all managed to break away from conformity in the same direction. He got it; punk was dead, dead because it had allowed itself to be recognizable, and lumped into one new category.

* * *

><p>AN: So... this was essentially filler. Pretty colourful partying with a bit of Ryan filler. Also a bit on the backwardness of Punk as a "style". But yeah, for my reviewers desperately waiting for Remus, I have one word for you... SOON!<p> 


	15. Owls of August

**Owls of August**

August 1st

'Hey Moony,

Sirius got here yesterday evening, he's fine, he was with some muggle friends all week. I think he's hiding something, I tried to ask him about what happened at his house and when he left, but all he's saying is that they didn't like him befriending muggles and told him to leave. I mean, I just don't believe they'd go so easy on him. You and Wormtail should come down next week and we'll try to get it out of him then.

Prongs'

August 2nd

'Wormtail,

Sirius is here, he says he's fine. He's got a motorcycle, we're going to try and make it fly. I'm trying to arrange for you and Moony to come over, maybe next week, maybe the week after that. Tell me what works for you so I can get the okay from my parents. Hope everything is going alright over there, can you help me on my summer potions homework? I'm stuck on the one about using asphodel instead of fluxweed and what would happen?

Prongs'

August 3rd

'Prongs,

If you use asphodel the potion both numbs the pain as well as being a burn salve. Hope that helps, you owe me one, help me with the charms work when I get there. Not sure if I'll be much use in making a motorcycle fly. Glad Padfoot is okay. I'm good to come over any time between the 11th and the 24th. But isn't the 13th the full moon? I doubt Remus will be able to come over until the 15th at least.

Wormtail'

August 4th

'Prongs and Padfoot,

I can't come over until the 16th because of the full moon, but I can stay until the 26th after that. I hope you're okay Padfoot, I was worried when I read that you'd been disowned and you hadn't even contacted anyone about it! Prongs, I hope you're berating him for scaring us all. We will most certainly do as you said in your previous letter.

Moony'

August 5th

'Moony,

What'd Prongs say you were doing in the last letter? Also, I'm sorry for not writing you straight away, but it would be hard to explain tying a letter to an owl in front of muggles. But I got a motorcycle, do you want to help us get her flying?

Padfoot'

August 6th

'Moony

How about we all meet up between the 16th and the 24th then, that's when everyone's available. Sirius is probably going to ramble your ear off about this Ryan bloke he's shaggi- Oi! Fuck off Prongsie, I most certainly will not ramble his ear off, I wasn't even going to mention Rye, but now that you've written it I'm afraid I can't allow you to send this lette- Okay, I've stunned him Moony, got to send this off before he wakes up.

Prongs, and an unconscious Padfoot'

* * *

><p>'Wormtail,<p>

It has been agreed that we will all meet up between the 16th and 24th. Bring ear plugs, Padfoot won't shut up about some guy he's shagging. See you then.

Prongs'

* * *

><p>'MOONY!<p>

DON'T LISTEN TO PRONGS, I'M NOT SHAGGING ANYONE, CERTAINLY NOT GUYS. I'M STRAIGHT, YOU BELIEVE ME RIGHT?

Lovey dearest, Paddy'

August 8th

'Prongs, and hopefully conscious again Padfoot,

I really did not need to know who Padfoot is shagging or why, so I hope Sirius is being quite honest when he says he won't be rambling my ear off about it. Padfoot, we were merely discussing getting your motorcycle to fly. The 16th to 24th sounds lovely, I'll see you both then.

Moony'

* * *

><p>'Prongs,<p>

That's rather disturbing, please don't tell me who Padfoot is messing around with. I don't need or want to know. I'll see you on the 16th.

Finding earplugs, Wormtail'

August 10th

'Padfoot and Prongs,

I really hope you two haven't managed to kill each other in some pranking incident by the time I get there, write you again as soon as I can hold a quill after the moon.

Moony'

August 11th

'Moony,

We're still alive, haven't killed each other yet, just got back from muggle London actually. I think mum and dad were worried we'd end up dying in a prank accident too as they chucked us through the floo for a few days. Also, when we were in London I happened to get a look at Sirius' back, it's covered in scars, they look relatively fresh too. We really need to talk to him.

Prongs'

* * *

><p>'Oh my gosh Moony,<p>

Prongsies parents are nutters, they actually chucked us through the floo while we were drugged by sleeping potions THEY put in our food. We spent the last three nights at my muggle friends' house on the couch, just came home for dinner last night. Hope Moony doesn't romp around too violently during the moon.

Padfoot'

* * *

><p>'Wormtail,<p>

Don't listen to Prongs, I tried to tell him you and Moony didn't need to know that sort of thing, I really only told him because of the way his face scrunches up when he accidentally pictures me with a cock in my mouth.

Padfoot'

August 12th

'Padfoot,

That's gross. I do NOT want to hear about what you're putting in your mouth. Look, I don't care what, **_or who_** you do in your spare time, but honestly, never talk about that in my presence. I may throw up over here.

Wormtail'

August 13th

'Wormtail,

I do apologize for Padfoots lack of consideration. Now you understand how I've been suffering these last two weeks. We also need to talk about the situation at Padfoot's old house, there are new scars all over his back.

Prongs'

* * *

><p>'Wormy,<p>

Muaha ha ha ha!

Padfoot'

August 15th

Prongs and Padfoot,

The Potters sent you through the floo while unconscious? I now understand where you get it from James. See you tomorrow.

Moony'

**Then in invisible ink only James knew to find,**

_P.S. James, we won't let him stay silent about this._


	16. The Cartographers

August 16th, Summer Before 6th Year

**The Cartographers**

Sirius had spent all morning styling his hair, now Gryffindor red with streaks of gold, into perfect liberty spikes. He'd spent yet another two hours fretting over what to wear, and struggling to get a shirt over his head without ruining them, then yet, another hour, fixing the damage. Finally he had decided on a Clash shirt, red plaid trousers, and his new Doc's.

James had been walking past the room every so often all morning, sighing at his friends' blatant attempt to look good for Remus. "Pads, you've got to tell him."

"Can't a guy look good without raising suspicion?"

"You looked fine five hours ago."

"I was in my pajama bottoms five hours ago, are you saying you prefer me topless Jamie?"

"I prefer you not fretting over your looks so badly, Remus won't care how perfect your hair is or what exact pair of jeans you wear. He's your friend. You could roll out of bed fifteen minutes from now to greet him, he wouldn't care."

"If I don't start looking gorgeous for him now, he's never going to see me as anything more than his friend."

"No, if you don't tell him how sexually you want to lick his scars he's never going to see you that way."

"How do you know I want to lick Moony's scars?"

"You talk, in your sleep. It's disturbing. Also, you just confirmed it."

"Fuck off Prongs."

The floo bell rang.

"Well Pads, that'll be one of them. Stop looking at yourself in the mirror and come downstairs."

"Just because your hair is hopeless and flops whichever way it feels like doesn't mean we all should just let it be."

"Leave my Potter hair alone, girls love it." James said starting down the hall.

"Not the only girl you WANT to love it." Sirius smirked.

"Fuck off Padfoot."

Sirius laughed and chased James down the stairs where they found Peter having a conversation with the Potters. They sat around the floo room talking about their parent appropriate plans for the week until Remus arrived twenty minutes later.

They sat around talking with the Potters for a few minutes, then ventured outside for a quick swim in the pond, before coming inside and splitting a casserole between them. Then with barely a glance, the four Marauders scampered up the stairs together to James' room where they began.

"I, Messr Prongs, call to order, this, the 53rd official meeting of the Marauders, where we must interrogate Sirius as to what, exactly happened at the Grim Old place he used to reside."

"Messr Padfoot wishes to ignore this premise and would rather discus an idea he had for a project this year."

"Messr Wormtail is of the opinion that both topics can be covered."

"Messr Moony is not going to allow Messr Padfoot to hide whatever has been going on."

"Messr Padfoot is grateful that Messrs Moony, Prongs, and Wormtail care for his wellbeing but must request they leave it alone."

"Messr Prongs suggests we discuss Padfoots idea first as a peace offering. However, we WILL get to this issue."

"Messr Padfoot will continue to refuse discussion about any of his past family. However, his idea is that we should make a map of Hogwarts this year, with all the students on it, so we can get around without Messr Prongs' cloak and prank two places at once."

"Messr Wormtail thinks Messr Padfoots' idea is rather brilliant and will assist by beginning a few sketches of the castle and grounds. But must enquire as to how we shall account for moving staircases and even more mobile students."

"Messr Prongs has an idea relating to that problem. If we can somehow charm this map to register with the castle wards it would be able to track both the students and the staircases."

"Messr Moony doesn't quite believe such a spell is in existence and surely we'd have to invent one."

"Messr Padfoot reasons that with Messr Moony's skill in Arithmancy and his own in Ancient Runes, such a spell should not be too hard to craft."

"Should Messr Moony really have to remind Messr Padfoot that we have never crafted our own spells before and could not have any idea how difficult it may be?"

"Messr Wormtail believes we should spend less time arguing over the possible difficulty in crafting such spells as it serves no purpose in the act of actually crafting one."

"Messr Prongs agrees with Messr Wormtail and asks his ratty forms assistance in finding the smaller passages sure to be hidden in the castle."

"Messr Wormtail accepts this duty."

"Messr Padfoot suggests we add a self-updating charm to the map so that we will not have to make a new version upon every discovery of another secret."

"Messr Moony considers this idea to have reached its conclusion for the meantime, and suggests the Marauders gathered here get to asking Messr Padfoot what exactly has happened."

"Messr Prongs does agree with Messr Moony," then in a softer voice he turned to Sirius "Pads, please tell us what happened. I saw the… scars."

"Messr Padfoot does not know what Messr Prongs is talking about."

"Messr Moony must inform Messr Padfoot that he is a terrible liar. Please Sirius, we're worried."

"Messr Padfoot is fine and will say no more."

James reached over and yanked up Sirius' shirt, "You call THAT fine?"

Sirius shoved James away, pulling down his shirt and scathed, "It's none of your fucking business."

Remus grabbed Sirius' shoulders and glared at him, "You make every single one of my scars your personal business, but now that you have some, we're not supposed to care?"

"Leave me the fuck alone Remus." Sirius tried to get up.

Remus held him in place, "No, you tell us what the fuck happened to you."

Sirius punched Remus, using the momentary lapse in grip to stand up shouting **"YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU HOW THEY CRUCIO'D ME? HOW THEY DROPPED A FUCKING CHANDELEIR ON MY BACK AND LOCKED ME IN THE CELLAR FOR TWO BLOODY WEEKS WITH ONLY KREACHER FOR COMPANY? YOU WANT TO HEAR HOW MY OWN MOTHER SAW FIT TO SLAUGHTER ME? FUCK YOU!"**

Sirius stormed out of the room, leaving his friends sitting stunned on the floor. He broke into a run halfway down the hall, sprinted down the stairs, passing the sitting room where Mr. and Mrs. Potter sat shocked from his outburst that had carried through the house, he ran straight out the door, letting it slam behind him.

The remaining Marauders starred at each other, felling guilty for not handling the topic with more tact.

Mr. Potter gripped his wine glass so hard it shattered. Then he stood, and went to walk out the door. He'd barely opened it when James sprinted past him and into the yard, transforming halfway through and galloping after the sound of a motorcycle starting and speeding down the lane.

Mr. Potter however, apparated directly to the bike, grabbing Sirius off of it and rolling into the gravel as the bike wobbled and skidded to a halt on its side meters from them.

"FUCK! Mr. Potter, let me GO!" Sirius struggled to escape.

A stag stopped right next to them and nudged Sirius with its nose.

"Prongsie please," he sobbed "Just leave me alone."

James transformed back, "Siri, come back inside. We just want to help you."

Mr. Potter stood, arms wrapped around Sirius. With a pointed look to James he began to lead Sirius back inside.

James went to pick up the motorcycle and rode it back to the garden shed. Then he went inside, passing his worried mother, a still shocked Peter, and Remus who was holding a bag of ice to his cheek. "Come inside, dad's got him."


	17. Grit

August 16th 8:20pm, Summer Before 6th Year

**Grit**

Mr. Potter led Sirius into the sitting room, helped him down onto the couch, and with a gesture from his son, moved aside to sit in his armchair. James instantly planted himself onto the couch, wrapping his arms around his brother in everything that mattered.

Mrs. Potter followed them in and settled on the chaise longue. Remus sat on the other side of Sirius, and Peter perched on the arm of the couch.

"Sirius?" James' whisper moved across the room.

Said boy buried his head into James' chest.

Remus placed his hand on Sirius' shoulder, "Padfoot, come on. Look at us. Please."

Sirius sobbed out a muffled "I'm sorr' I hit you Remmy."

"Oh I don't care about that," he huffed "Are you okay?"

There was no response.

"Sirius please," Mr. Potter implored, "We're only asking because we care for your wellbeing."

"I'm fine."

"If you were fine, you wouldn't have your face buried in my sons' chest." Mrs. Potter pointed out.

Sirius looked up, tears streaming down his face and repeated "I'm fine."

"Well now I **know** you're lying."

"Do we have to do this?" He sniffled.

Mrs. Potter nodded, "Sirius, I am not just a healer, I am also a mother. If you don't get it out now, it shall only get worse. You don't have to talk to us, I can arrange for a mind healer to come in so you can yell and scream all you like in private." Then with a pointed glare at James, "However, my son is just going to badger it out of you himself anyway."

Sirius starred at his lap, opened his mouth a few times, paused. The room stayed silent waiting for him. He peeked over at James, reached into his coat pocket and grabbed a cigarette.

James sighed and transfigured a doily on the coffee table into an ashtray. Mrs. Potter frowned. Sirius lit his cigarette with the tip of his wand, smoked, staring at the ceiling for a minute; then began.

They sat around the living room quietly as Sirius talked. He spoke softly, barely above a whisper, pausing every few minutes to think and smoke. He told them everything that had happened at the Black residence from the moment he stepped off the train until they night he ran away, only skipping over his time spent at Tweakers flat.

When he finished they continued sitting silent, silent save for the snuffing of a cigarette butt into the ashtray. Then Sirius was content to bury his head back into James' arms.

"Why don't we give Sirius some time to compose himself," Mr. Potter suggested, "Do you mind telling me how you managed to turn into a deer James?" He asked, eyebrow raised at his son.

Mrs. Potter gazed at her son, eyes ordering an answer.

Remus went pale. Peter shifted nervously. James looked at the wall, determined to ignore the question. They sat there in silence for a minute.

Sirius giggled.

Suddenly a dam broke, all the Marauders were laughing uproariously. Sirius was shaking in James' arms for a new reason, James had his head thrown back in mirth, Remus was bowled over with his head in his hands wracked with giggles, and Peter actually managed to fall off his perch.

Mrs. Potter sighed, and waited a minute, and then another, for the boys to bring themselves back together.

Peter looked at James from his new position on the floor, James gave a subtle nod.

"We're animagi." Peter stated.

"All of you?" Mr. Potter asked.

"Well… sort of…" James evaded.

"Why exactly did you wish to become animagi?" Mrs. Potter demanded.

They froze. Sirius slowly rose his head from James' chest, looked her dead in the eye, and lied flawlessly. "We did it to spite McGonagall. She said we'd never manage it."

"I suppose you are unregistered." Mr. Potter grumbled.

"Well, yeah." James admitted, "But we couldn't exactly register, no one would have believed that we did it without a mentor!"

"And now it's too late to register without getting arrested." Peter added.

Mrs. Potter sniffed, "You have three months to register after achieving the transformation, surely you haven't been animagi that long."

The boys looked at each other, shit-eating grins plastered on. "Well…"

"How long have you been animagi?" Mr. Potter queried.

"Just over a year." James answered.

"You are aware there have been only five witches and wizards to achieve the transformation before their 17th birthday in recorded history?" Mr. Potter probed.

"Yes, actually, Remus told us." Sirius smirked.

"Do you have any idea how DANGEROUS that is?" Mrs. Potter exploded, "You could have gotten stuck half-way! What would we do with a half-stag son?"

"But I _didn't _get stuck half-way." James emphasised.

Peter smirked over at James "Isn't he such a cheeky little _deer_?"

"I might just have to _rat_ you out." James replied.

"Surely Remus has gotten hungry by now, he might just _wolf_ us down if we don't stop with these jokes." Sirius flirted.

"Oh you absolute _dog._" Remus winked back at him.

Sirius went a bit pink for a moment, then shifting into his dog form, proceeded to plant a big sloppy kiss on Remus' cheek, before settling his head on said boys lap.

Mr. Potter rolled his eyes, "Well, it wouldn't do to have you all arrested now would it. I suppose we'll have to keep this quiet."

"Couldn't we just have them register now?" Mrs. Potter asked.

"I'm afraid not, as part of the registration a legilimens comes in and ensures the time period of their first transformation."

Mrs. Potter frowned, "I suppose hiring someone to train them in occlumency would raise too many questions."

The Potters' grudgingly, agreed to keep their ability a secret. They sat there contentedly for a long while after that, figuring that Sirius would be alright with them around to talk to. No one thought to ask about his previous summers home, no one thought to realize that what had been covered was only the tip of the iceberg. Sirius lounged as a dog, slowly piecing together, that emotions could not demand to be felt quite so strongly, with a simpler mind atop his shoulders.

* * *

><p>AN: I love reviews, and all my reviewers for posting them. Your kind words are truly the reason I keep writing, and power myself through the many many bouts of writers block I am prone to.<p> 


	18. Love is Paranoid

August 19th, Summer Before 6th Year

**Love is Paranoid**

The next day, and for three days after, Sirius couldn't help but feel… watched. As they splashed in the pond, James looked on worried, as if he was waiting for something. When they puttered in the shed, casting spells and charms on the bike, Remus was constantly near him, not that he minded too much. When they stole down to the manors' kitchens in the middle of the night for a snack, Peter would look up from his plate every so often and give him a thoughtful stare.

Sirius was getting very annoyed by it all. They still hadn't gotten the right charms to get the bike flying, and Mr. Potter had even come by a few times to 'help', which really meant, watch him.

Sirius was, to put it lightly, pissed the fuck off. 'It's like they think I'm made of glass or some shit!' He thought angrily to himself, 'Why the hell did I even let them see me so weak in the first place. Now that's all they perceive me as, a weak, little, kicked puppy.' He kicked a rock. It hurt his toe. So he reached down, grabbed up the rock and chucked it; right through the window of James' bedroom. 'Oops!'

Remus got up and wandered over from the tree they had been lounging at, "Sirius," he sighed "Try not to break everything." He flicked his wand up at the window and cast a quick Reparo. "Padfoot, come sit back down. You seem, off."

"I don't want to sit down." Sirius muttered.

"Well then come over and stand with us." Remus grinned.

Sirius frowned, "Can't you all just leave me alone?"

Remus huffed, "Oh I see how it is, I come over here to see you for a whole week, and you just want to be alone. Siri, this is why we're all worried about you."

"Well I want to be alone because you're all worried about me. I don't need to be worried about, I'm fine."

"Well then," Remus smiled, "Now we've got that cleared up, do you want to come sit with us?"

"Only if you promise to stop worrying."

"Padfoot, we care about you, it's inevitable that we'll worry once in a while. But I'll try to stop for now, okay?"

A warm fuzzy feeling had grown up in Sirius' stomach 'Remmy cares about me.' He thought to himself. Without really thinking he reached out and pulled Remus into a hug, "I…" He was going to tell Remus that he cared about him too, but at the last second changed his mind, "…missed you Moonshine."

"Missed you too Pads."

Sirius stood there, holding Remus for a few seconds, his head buried in the crook of Remus' neck. He took a few little sniffs of Remus' scent, trying to memorize it. Then he realized that Remus was starting to fidget, and instantly sprang away.

"Right," He said, looking anywhere but at Moony, "Let's. Yeah… um, **SIT**! Yup, sit, let's go."

August 20th 5:07am

Remus woke up to a strange noise in the middle of the night and sitting up, looked across the room. The boys were scattered in sleeping bags across James' bedroom floor. James and Peter, fast asleep. He looked to Sirius, who also, appeared to be quite asleep. But then, where did that throaty growl come from?

He was just about to pass it off as his imagination and go back to sleep when he heard a soft moan. His head snapped back to Sirius, whose forehead was slick with sweat, breath coming in quick gasps, and then-

"Oh gross," Remus muttered, the scent of salty fluid attacking his senses. He grabbed his wand and cast a quick cleaning charm at Sirius' sleeping bag. Then went back to sleep, wondering why he, just **had **to have such acute senses.

* * *

><p>Sirius woke up to hear a muttered "Oh gross" come from Remus' lips, he laid there, eyes closed trying to keep his breathing even as if he were still asleep, as a spell hit him, and he felt his boxers dry.<p>

Sirius laid there, mortified, knowing that Remus knew **exactly **what had just happened to him. He laid there, trying desperately to catch onto the last fleeting tendrils of his dream, so he could decipher what he might have said in his sleep. 'Oh Merlin,' he thought, 'What if the dream was about Remus, and I said something… oh fuck, Moony's disgusted by me. Why did I even begin to think I had a chance, he's obviously happy with that bitch Marie. And now he **knows.** Fuck fuck fuck shit fuck!' Sirius quickly turned into a dog before he had to think about it too much.

August 20th 10:51 am

Sirius rolled over, late in the morning, to discover he was the last one currently in the room. Though the last whispers of his dream were long gone, he vividly remembered Remus' muttered remark.

He didn't exactly want to face his friends at that moment, so after dressing quickly he wandered downstairs only pausing to grab a muffin, before heading outside into the shed. His motorcycle was old, and in need of a new coat of paint. He grabbed his wand and began casting, in smooth slick streaks a fresh layer of black paint worked its way over the body of his bike.

Not even an hour later, James was outside the shed door looking in, "You want to go swimming Sirius? We might not have many more chances."

"We went swimming two days ago."

"Then at least come in for lunch, you're almost done with that anyway."

"Do I have to? I want to work on this."

James sighed, "Padfoot, you want us to stop worrying about you, but you're going off on your own and avoiding us all. It's not like you."

"Remus thinks I'm gross." Sirius frowned.

James laughed, "Of course he doesn't, because you're too much of a wimp to even tell him!"

"Er… well, I had a dream. One of** those **dreams, and I woke up, and he said it was gross, and you say I talk in my sleep and what if I said something about him! He hates me!"

"Or… more logically, he just thinks it's gross that you have wet dreams."

"Oh don't be stupid James, everyone does, doesn't make it gross."

"Every girl bleeds for a week each month, still gross."

"Ew, why did you have to mention that? That's like half the reason I don't like women, probably."

"See? He isn't disgusted because you're gay, and he probably doesn't even KNOW that you want to shag him. You're fine, now come inside, you're done painting, and it's lunch, and we were going to go to the library and start looking for charms to make that map idea of yours."

So they headed inside for lunch, Sirius reassured, though still nervous.

August 21st 11:12 am

They had spent latter half of the previous day holed up in the Potter library with rough sketches and spell books. Though they made very little progress on the map, they did find two useful spells; one to add passphrases to the map, and another spell usually used to give the subjects' personality to portraits, which they intended to use to impart their Marauderly wisdom to the map.

Due to this studious use of their time, they decided they should spend this new day outside. This had been decided spontaneously when James had caught Sirius trying to sneak into the shed to work on a certain motorcycle. James had promptly brandished his wand, levitated Sirius over the back garden, and dumped him into the pond.

Remus and Peter jumped in only moments later, having been granted the opportunity to strip down into their boxers first. Then James, grinning from the shore was summoned into the water by Sirius; clothes, glasses, all.

They splashed around wildly, levitating and dumping each other into the water in a war, sending jets of the water flying across the pond. Soon enough James was cornered, "Mutiny!" He yelled!

"Oh please James, you aren't our captain." Sirius grinned.

"Oh? And who is?"

"Moony is." Sirius smirked at him.

"And Wormtail is first mate." Remus added.

Sirius turned, affronted, "Wormtail? I thought I was first mate?"

"Nope, you're the ship cook."

"Well at least you aren't stuck scrubbing the decks Sirius, that's James' job." Peter added helpfully.

"Hmmm," Sirius pondered, "So you're saying the ship hierarchy goes; Moony, Wormtail, myself, then Prongs?"

"If that is so," James challenged, "Then I declare a mutiny on Moony! If we win you may be my first mate Sirius!"

"What? Never! Surely I should be captain, with Moony as first mate."

James pouted, "You'd at least let me be cook?"

"Of course not, Wormtail would be cook because he's the only one of us capable of creating a non-poisonous meal!"

James then turned to Peter, "Wormtail, I retract my previous statement and declare a mutiny on Padfoot and Moony. You shall be captain, myself as first mate, Moony as cook, and Sirius as swabbie!"

"You have yourself a deal Prongs!"

James and Peter turned on Sirius and Remus, wands held high they began an epic water battle of ship honour and hierarchy! Many tales would henceforth be written of it, bards strumming their lutes singing tales, children crowded round fires would gasp in delight of the retellings, and so on.

Tragically in the heat of battle, James and Peter managed to surround Sirius. Though he fought valiantly they managed to disarm him, with his final gasping breath he shouted, "Moony! Moony! I am done for! Rescue me from these scullion traitors!"

Remus then dove through and shooting a large blast of water in James and Peters' faces, scooped up Sirius in his arms and bewailed the most romantic poetry Sirius had ever heard,  
>"O CAPTAIN! my Captain! our fearful trip is done;<br>The ship has weather'd every rack, the prize we sought is won;  
>The port is near, the bells I hear, the people all exulting,<br>While follow eyes the steady keel, the vessel grim and daring:  
>But O heart! heart! heart!<br>O the bleeding drops of red,  
>Where on the deck my Captain lies,<br>Fallen cold and dead."

"Ohhh Moony!" Sirius swooned, "You compose such beautiful verse! But fear not, your captain is alive dearest mate!"

Remus laughed before dumping Sirius back in the water, "I didn't compose that, Walt Whitman did."

"Who?" Sirius cocked his head, "Ah, it doesn't matter. Claim your prize of my sweet virgin lips, you handsome rogue you!"

James laughed loudly, "Virgin?"

"Prize?" Peter chortled.

"Sweet?" Remus sniggered.

"Hey!" Sirius cried, "My lips are a sweet prize at the very least!" Then he grinned, realizing just how caught up in their little game everyone had gotten, "And why is no one contesting Moony's handsome roguishness?"

"Because it's true?" James stared at him blandly.

"Oh no! Remus run!" Peter cried, "The tossery is spreading!"

Remus snorted, "Never fear Peter, these sorts of diseases can only be spread through bites!"

"Are you insinuating?" James winked, "That Sirius has bitten me?"

"Wait?" Sirius added, "Are we insinuating that I can infect people with homosexuality?"

"And moreover," Peter wondered, "Who bit you?"

* * *

><p>AN: No, I am not insinuating that being gay is a disease. Some of my dearest friends are gay, and this is a SLASH fiction if you haven't caught on by now. Keep in mind this is set in the 70's, the world wasn't quite as understanding then as it is now. More importantly, the boys are clearly joking about with each other, and mean no harm.<p>

I am not Walt Whitman, I'm merely placing a verse from his famous poem in here, I don't think he'll mind given that he's dead. He is often commonly understood to have been gay or bisexual based on his poetry, so I REALLY don't think he'd mind his poem being in this story.

**Also, as I'm approaching the end of my uni term, exams are coming up, lots of projects to finish, etc... I will not be updating next week. I hope this extra-long, the longest in this story so far****, chapter will sate you.**


	19. Lift Off

August 23rd 8:23 am, Summer Before 6th Year

**Lift Off**

Sirius was in the shed again, he had woken up at 7, much before anyone else. He had quickly showered and gotten dressed before leaving. The shed was a mess from his work; he held his wand in one hand and a blunt in the other. He was on his knees beside his bike, casting spells, and then testing, more spells, more testing.

He had decided that just charms wouldn't get the bike flying, certainly he could use the spells placed on broomsticks to enable their flight, but there were a few problems with that. For a start, motorcycles aren't near as aerodynamic as broomsticks, it would be too slow, and Sirius wanted to go fast. Second, the charms on broomsticks were usually held in place by a small rune scheme, a rune scheme usually hidden by the bristles. Sirius doubted James would let him chop the bristles off a broom to find out which ones. Though most importantly, brooms were only used in the air, his bike would require quite a number of more runes to remain useable on land as well.

So after having given his bike a cleaning, Sirius took one last hit off his blunt, snuffed it on the ground, and then opened his Ancient Runes book. Finally, in the 6th year, they would be getting to design rune schemes, and learn to dismantle minor ones. Sirius had been bored silly all the previous years, all they had focused on was reading runes and recognizing existing rune schemes.

His bike would need the runes for balance, flight, speed, movement, and possibly journey and protection. After a thought, he decided it would definitely be a good idea to add protection. He would already be working in two separate runic languages because there was no rune for flight in elder furthark, and because of that the separate languages needed to be tied together with partnership and flow runes. Moreover, as the bike would need to work on both earth and in air, the rune scheme needed to be arranged in both the pattern for the alchemical symbol for air, and that of earth; which themselves needed to be tied together with a number of partnership runes.

Sirius had a headache. Remus would most certainly be of use with this project. He sketched out a few rough attempts on parchment, valiantly trying to make it work, before giving up and heading to the Potter library.

August 23rd, 10:14 am

"Moonshine?" Sirius called when entering the library, then looking around found Remus hunched over a desk scribbling madly. "What are you doing?"

Remus looked up at him and grinned, "The secret passageways, I think I've worked out how to make the passwords and tricks to get through them appear on the map. It's a basic range activated charm, we found it in third year, remember?"

"How could I forget?" Sirius snorted, "They've been the mechanism for some of our greatest moments."

Remus smiled, "So what'd you come find me for?"

Sirius carefully placed his notes on the desk, "You're better at runes than me, can you help me draw this out so it'll work?"

Remus stared at the parchment for a moment, "What are you trying to make them do?... I see flight, balance, and way more partnership runes than could possibly be required."

"For my bike Moony!" Sirius exclaimed exasperated, "So it flies."

Remus stared at the rune schemes Sirius had drawn and sighed. "Alright, sit down with me and we'll work this out."

Sirius instantly planted himself in the seat next to Remus and they leaned over the table together. "So first off," Remus began, "You really overkilled it on the partnership runes, I'd put in three or so, five at **most. **You've got like twelve. More importantly, the shape you've got here is really oblong, it should be even, balanced. Your air scheme has four more runes than your earth scheme and it just won't work that way. You are also cramming in strokes in some places where you could be reusing strokes from the other runes."

Remus then sketched out a quick version that he thought might work and passed the page back to Sirius. Sirius looked at it for a few minutes, keeping in mind the pointers Remus had made, then redrew it with a few changes and passed it back saying, "We could have the speed runes share that stroke, and perhaps it would be steadier with balance runes on the far edges of the earth portion instead of duplicate movements."

Remus nodded to himself, and together they hunched over the parchment, scribbling alternatives and trying to make the most symmetrical and even set. They became so absorbed in the work that neither noticed when Sirius' knee bumped Remus', or minutes later when their thighs brushed.

It was not until half an hour later, when Sirius thought they had worked it out, that he noticed how close they were. Their legs were pressed up against each other, their elbows touching, and when Sirius turned his head, Remus' lips were mere inches from his own.

Sirius stared at the lips for a few seconds, and then Remus cleared his throat and turned back to their notes asking, "Do you want to go test this out?"

Sirius started, and immediately jumped out of his chair, "Yes! Let's go etch this on and fly!"

August 23rd, 11:03 am

Minutes later they were in the shed scratching the decided on rune scheme into the front of the engine. It had to be precisely centered before they could activate it or the bike would be unbalanced. Measurement after measurement was made, they rechecked the etching dozens of times, and when they were absolutely sure it was perfect; they cast the activation charms, wheeled it out of the shed, and started it up.

With a roar it came alive, before settling into a rumbling purr. Sirius straddled the bike, revved the engine a bit; and with a wink at Remus, took off across the yard. Remus stood back watching anxiously, wand in hand and fully prepared to rush to an accident. Sirius bounced the handlebars a little, and then pulled the clutch in for a second before releasing it. The front wheels of the bike rose into the air, Remus held his breath. Suddenly Sirius pulled up on the handlebars, practically jumping with the bike into the air.

It was at this exact moment that James and Peter decided to look out the window of the kitchens where they had previously been stuffing their faces. Looking out to find Sirius speeding across the yard faster than any sane being would consider safe, and then slowly rising into the air; James nearly shat himself, and Peter dropped his donut.

The rushed out into the yard to find a pale and shaking Remus standing with his wand raised worriedly. "Remus? What the hell is he doing?" James shouted over as they approached.

"Flying, why are you surprised? You said we were going to work on it."

"Well yes, but I didn't expect us to actually figure it out. He's breaking like three laws."

Remus nodded, "Four actually."

James stared at Remus, "Yes, exactly." Then looking at Sirius, "How the hell…"

Remus grinned, "We don't give the mutt enough credit. He nearly worked out a rune scheme to do pretty much all the enhancements he wanted, and then brought it to me for help. I was worried if I didn't help him get it right he'd just apply what he'd worked out and get himself killed."

They continued to watch Sirius as he flew around the property, and then slowing slightly lowered towards the ground. The crazy dog was coming right at them, they dove out of the way as the wheels reconnected with the grass and Sirius shot past them like a muggle bullet. They had just picked themselves back up when Sirius, having turned and made his way back, stopped beside them. "That was AWESOME!" He shouted.

James glared at him, replying, "And you are ever so lucky my parents aren't home, because if they were they'd have died of heart attacks and I would never forgive you."

Sirius looked mildly apologetic for barely a moment before the smile stretched back across his face, "Do you want to try it?" He asked, then looking over at Remus, "Well, I mean, Moony gets first dibs because he helped the most… but after that?"

Remus instantly backed away, "I am not going anywhere near that deathtrap."

"But Moony, it has protection and balance runes on it! You etched some of them yourself!"

"Be that as it may, it has about eighty more speed runes than I ever want to risk my well being with."

Sirius crossed his arms, "You know as well as I do it only has ten."

"Only ten?" James waved his hand in front of Sirius' face, "Are you crazy! Mate, how in the world did you get that stable enough to apply without blowing yourself up? Uruz isn't just for speed, it's also strength, energy, and action."

Remus sighed, "Just be happy I talked him down from the sixteen he originally had planned."

"Hey!" Sirius glared at them, "It's perfectly safe, I was just on it and I'm fine. Besides, I wasn't even going **THAT** fast."

"It went faster than any broom I've ever seen." James told him weakly.

Sirius grinned, "Well then, you're always complaining that your broom is too slow. You should be dying to give it a try."

James gave his best attempt at an angry glare, staring at Sirius' smug face, until he finally acquiesced, "You're damn straight I am!" He huffed, "Now teach me how to work this glorious machine!"

* * *

><p><strong>AN: GUYS! We broke 20k words! I'm so happy that I did it! And the bike! It FLIES NOW. This is possibly the best chapter I could post to celebrate 20k words. My last 2 exams are tomorrow! So you (hopefully) get regular weekly updates for the next few months.<strong>


	20. Last Days

August 25th, Summer Before 6th Year

**Last Days**

The Marauders had spent the previous day, their last day together before term, in an all-out pranking war throughout the manor. The elder Potter's had been reminded of the first week of August, only it was worse. Much, much, worse. So when they finally rid themselves of half of the boys previously inhabiting their house, they were quite relieved; though Mr. Potter still hadn't managed to undo **all** of the pranks that had been pulled.

So the following morning James and Sirius left their respective rooms and made their way through the halls, carefully sidestepping the multitudes of fish that were now swimming through them, apparently ignorant of the lacking water. They entered the kitchen, instantly had their gravity inverted, and sat at the table, that was conveniently on the ceiling. After their breakfasts they wandered on to the raining study, where Mr. Potter was carefully scouring through multitudes of books looking for weather charms and their counters.

He looked up when they came in, "Well boys, are you planning to undo this any time soon?"

James and Sirius smirked, and shook their heads no.

"Well then, I have no choice but to ground you both for the remainder of the summer."

James and Sirius' eyes widened, and they shook their heads no.

"No?" Mr. Potter asked, "I shouldn't ground you? Well if that is what you want, perhaps you should undo all the pranks."

James and Sirius gestured wildly, shaking their heads and pointing.

Mr. Potter smiled, "Well I suppose we can keep the fish, they are rather amusing. But the gravity flip in the kitchen is hurting your mothers' back; and this rain… really, if whoever did this hadn't had the foresight to cast impervious charms on all the books, well, three one of a kind spell books and multiple other ancient texts would have been destroyed."

James and Sirius flailed their arms.

"Yes, exactly, it would have been quite costly."

Mrs. Potter entered the study as James and Sirius began spinning in circles. "Oh honestly Charlus, haven't you noticed the boys have been silenced?"

Charlus gaped, "So **that's **why it's been so quiet around here!"

"I suspect it was one last gift from their friends to us."

Mr. Potter hummed.

James and Sirius jumped up and down pointing at the Potter's, and then back at themselves.

"Oh yes of course," Mrs. Potter winked, and cast finite incantatem on them.

"Oh **finally!"** Sirius exclaimed.

"I am going to strangle Moony." James declared.

"Oh no you don't Potter, you won't hurt my Moonshine!"

Mr. Potter cleared his throat.

"Oh! Right," James and Sirius whispered madly to each other for a few minutes.

Then James muttered a spell and the rain stopped.

"Now how about the kitchen and the fish?" Mrs. Potter supplied.

"But dad said we could keep the fish!" James complained.

"I'll go get the kitchen." Sirius helped.

* * *

><p><span>August 26th<span>

Mrs. Potter flipped through various books in the library, muttering angrily to herself, "Trust the boys to evade every common spell combination in their pranks and go straight to the arcane." She banished another book back to its shelf, and started in on another, "Trust my fool husband to find the fish humorous and refuse to assist me." She grumbled pouring over the books wondering why the boys insisted on using such unheard of spells to pull pranks. Then it occurred to her they used such spells **because** it would be difficult to locate the counter.

Half an hour later she groused, "I should never have married a Potter, awful hair and that damned mischievous streak!"

Mr. Potter wandered into the library having not seen his wife all morning, "What's that love? Are you regretting our bonding now?"

Dorea's head shot up, "Charlus! Please tell me you've come to your senses and are going to get rid of the fish."

"Aha," he faltered, "Well now I'm not so sure I should help you, given you're regretting our bonding."

She huffed, "I should have listened to mother about you. But no no, father just **had** to go on about how I could turn you into a proper pureblood."

"Awwhh, love." He kissed her forehead, "I'm sorry, I was far too down the road of muggle lovery to be saved."

"You were a Slytherin!" She glared at him.

"Only because I fell in love with you the moment I saw you." He smiled dopily, kissing her on the cheek.

"Hat should have put you in Hufflepuff with lines like those." She murmured darkly.

"No, it should have put me in Gryffindor for all the howlers I bravely suffered through over the matter."

"It's your fault I've gone soft," She accused, "Father would be so ashamed."

He hummed, "Are you truly sympathizing with your families' politics? Here I thought you were sided with Sirius in such matters."

She pouted, "No, he's completely correct about his former family. I just want the fish back in their pond."

Mr. Potter grinned indulgently at his wife, and then sat down beside her, "There now, I'll help you."

August 27th

The fish were back in the pond, Mrs. Potter was contentedly reading in the lounge, Mr. Potter was in his study working, James and Sirius were in the yard tearing up the grass on the motorcycle.

"Why do I have to ride on the back, like a **girl**?" James complained loudly.

"Because it's my bike, why can't we just bring it flying?" Sirius yelled back.

"Because my parents would shit themselves!"

"They're inside, they won't even see!"

James huffed, "Fine."

Sirius began to speed up.

Moments later Mrs. Potter looked out the window to check on the boys and screamed. Mr. Potter ran downstairs as quickly as he could. "Dorea?" He called, "What is it?"

"They… they… THEY'RE GOING TO GET THEMSELVES KILLED!" She shrieked, looking frantically out the window.

He hurried to the window and watched as the boys flashed past. "I didn't think they could go that fast." He breathed.

"Stop standing there and GET MY BABY away from that MUGGLE DEATHTRAP this INSTANT!" She hyperventilated.

Then they watched horrified together as the deathtrap lifted off the ground and soared through the air. "I don't think there's much muggle left in that thing."

Mrs. Potter fainted.

Mr. Potter enervated his wife, and leaving her in the care of Klunky, stormed outside.

* * *

><p>"JAMES SIRIUS POTTER BLACK!" He yelled incoherently, "YOU LAND THAT THING RIGHT NOW!"<p>

James and Sirius paled, they slowed down and brought the bike down.

"WHAT WERE YOU THINKING?" Mr. Potter continued, "Oh RIGHT, YOU WEREN'T!"

They stood in front of him looking at the ground, squirming uncomfortably.

"That machine is going into the garden shed under my own locking charms until you graduate!" He snarled at them, "Your mother nearly had a heart attack James!"

Sirius' head shot up, he looked miserable "Is she okay? Can we go see her?"

"She most certainly is NOT okay, watching you two zoom around nearly breaking the sound barrier! What did you do to that bike?"

"Sirius added a rune scheme to it…" James mumbled.

"A rune scheme? Do you have any idea how dangerous that is? If your work was a hair off you would be DEAD! I'm going to go take a look at these runes and adjust them; you won't be going anywhere near as fast under my watch!"

"But Mr. Potter!" Sirius protested, "We can't get off the ground without speed!"

He glared at Sirius, "Did you not think to use an ascension rune? Perhaps tied into some button or lever?"

James and Sirius went back to staring at the ground, their answer obviously negative.

"Go inside and see her, I'll work on the bike."

* * *

><p>Though Mrs. Potter was fully recovered by that evening, James and Sirius spent the last four days of summer subdued. They did their summer homework that had previously been neglected, when they were through with that they plotted a few pranks for the beginning of the year. They spent long hours in the library those last four days, digging up spells for the map. Sirius spent long hours staring mournfully out the library window at the garden shed.<p>

Finally it was the morning of September the first, and they were packed and ready to go.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Don't worry! Mr. Potter is a Potter, and he has that "damned mischievous streak" as Mrs. Potter put it. He won't ruin the bike, just make it a teensy bit less deadly.<strong>


	21. The First

September 1st, 10:30 am, 6th Year

**The First**

Mr. and Mrs. Potter dropped them off at the train station half an hour early. They said their goodbye's and rushed off to find a compartment. Ten minutes later Remus joined them, they sat around chatting about mundane things for a further twenty minutes when Peter rushed in just as the train started moving.

"Well Pete, that's the closest it's been yet." James noted.

"I reckon he's actually going to miss it next year." Sirius added.

Peter coughed, embarrassed. "Mum has been so stressed over the new baby; she actually forgot it was the first."

Remus smiled, "How is your sister then? I thought she wasn't due for another month."

"She wasn't," Peter told them, "She came really early, and she cries a lot. Mum says that she'll calm down in a few months… she is only a few days old."

"Yes well, babies are lovely and all that I'm sure." Sirius interrupted, "However, we need to brief you two on the start of term prank!"

"Now," James grinned, "We've decided to go rather tame on everyone this year. Lull them into a false sense of security, and then we'll wait a few weeks, let them think we've all grown up over the summer-"

Remus rolled his eyes, "And let me guess? Then we slowly start pranking random kids, and then build up through larger and larger groups until the end of the year?"

James and Sirius stared at Remus.

"Uhh, well yeah. What are you psychic or something Moony?" Sirius poked at the resident wolf.

"No, not psychic; James suggested the same thing in fourth year, you lasted three days before pranking Snape."

They talked back and forth, planning and preparing for the beginning of the year. It would be risky, and relied on them being the first students into the Great Hall, meaning they would have to claim the first carriage.

* * *

><p>Seven hours later they were dressed in their robes, waiting for the train to stop. They all hovered near the first set of doors, looking forward to where the carriages laid in wait. The train slowed down, Peter was bouncing on the balls of his feet, Remus rolled his eyes, Sirius looked ready to jump off the train while it was still moving, James was all set to bolt towards the first carriage.<p>

The train creaked and clunked to a halt. "Blast off…" Remus muttered to himself as three boys sprinted wildly off the train. He followed at a mildly sedate pace behind them. James was in the lead leaping and bounding like a deer, Sirius was close behind him running wildly, Peter a bit further behind scurrying along after the previous two. Remus kept walking.

All three boys were in the carriage shouting at him to hurry up, he was halfway there, taking his time. The first students departed from the train.

Remus climbed calmly into the carriage to the complaints of his friends,

"Moony! We should have been going by now! We won't get there soon enough!" James berated him.

"Look Moony! The other students are almost in their carriages too!" Sirius added.

Peter glared at him.

Remus sighed, "Honestly you three, do you never pay attention. The carriages depart at a set time every year; it doesn't matter when we get into them."

"What are you talking about Moony? They always leave right after we get into them."

Remus smirked, "Then why is this one not moving?"

James blanched, "I… um."

Remus looked down at his watch, "In three… two… one…"

The carriage lurched into motion.

They stared at him blankly, Remus pointed out the back window to the next carriage in line "Ten seconds from now, that one will go."

They starred hungrily out the window counting, sure enough, at "one" it started moving. They looked at him like he was some sort of god.

Remus sighed, "There are roughly four hundred students from second year onwards, and each carriage is **meant** to seat six; however it is obvious that not all carriages will be filled. The school has eighty carriages instead of the required sixty-seven for this reason. Each of these departs fifteen seconds from the one previous to it, the first departing at exactly 6:00 pm. This allows the first carriage to arrive at Hogwarts at 6:15, and the last to arrive at 6:35. Five minutes before the sorting begins."

If they had been staring before, now they were gaping, "How do you **know** this stuff?" Sirius demanded.

"It's always been that way. I just pay attention." He smirked back.

"Alright, yes, right." James gained their attention. "Now that we have that cleared up, apparently we only have fifteen seconds to cast the first set of spells. Moony, you cover Slytherin, Padfoot gets Hufflepuff, Wormtail we need you to watch out for the other students as this is going to be tighter than previously thought, I'll get Ravenclaw. Then we all work together on Gryffindor, since it will be the easiest."

Sirius took over, "Now remember, the teachers will already be there, so cast subtly with your wand up your sleeve."

They stopped, and instantly all sprang from the carriage and onto the path, they walked casually, but quickly, up to the school. The moment the Great Hall came in to view Sirius and James had already muttered their first spells, aiming through the doorway. Peter began to lag behind, keeping them in carefully in sight. Remus cast his first spell upon entry to the Hall, masking it as conversation to Sirius. Sirius took this cue and began casting on Hufflepuff table through false conversation to Remus. The first students had caught up with Peter; he quickly sent a small stinging hex at James as warning before going towards Gryffindor table. James jumped a bit as he sat down at Gryffindor, wand pointing under their table to the Ravenclaw's. Remus sat across from him casting the last two spells at Slytherin and turning to 'speak' to James. Sirius sat beside Remus, casting his final spell.

Peter sat next to James and instantly began chatting away about inane little subjects; James finished the last spell on Ravenclaw just in time to 'converse' back. Together the four of them each cast one of the required four spells up at the Gryffindor table.

If they hadn't been waiting for it, they never would have noticed when the bench warmed for just a moment.

* * *

><p>Ten minutes later the hall was chatting away happily waiting for the first years to arrive, Marie popped by from the Hufflepuff table to greet Remus, "Why didn't you come see me on the train?" She asked him, "Or sit with me in a carriage?" She continued, "Now I won't get to see you properly until tomorrow."<p>

He kissed her lightly, "I've missed them, and you too, however they demanded my presence for today."

"They don't **own **you Remus, you don't have to do what they tell you to, besides you saw them for a whole week this summer, I hardly got to see you at all."

Sirius wanted desperately to jump in and tell her that she didn't own Remus either. But Remus just kissed her again and promised, "I'll make it up to you this weekend. Now go sit, the first years are coming in."

She was only halfway to her seat when McGonagall led the first years into the hall. She quickly rushed the rest of the way as McGonagall gave the new students some time to admire the ceiling.

Sirius pointed subtly to a small trio of firsties, all huddled together and looking fearfully around, "Hufflepuff's the lot of them. Two galleons."

James observed the students for a moment before replying, "I'll take that bet, at least one of them is going to end up in Ravenclaw."

"No," Peter wagered, "The blonde one is going to be a Slytherin."

The sorting began, and they watched their bets carefully. When the blonde was sorted, the hat sat on her head for a long while before shouting HUFFLEPUFF! Peter grudgingly handed over two galleons. When the second girl sat on the stool, the hat again called out HUFFLEPUFF! James was beginning to look a bit worried, Sirius a bit gleeful. Near the end of the sorting, the third girl was called up, the hat hardly touched her head before screaming GRYFFINDOR! James handed over his two galleons. Then Remus reminded him and Peter that Sirius had still lost his initial bet, Sirius gave Peter two, and James two back.

"Well, that was some useless betting." Sirius remarked.

The final student to be sorted sat down at their table, but the hat in McGonagall's arms kept shouting out house names, "HUFFLEPUFF… GRYFFINDOR… SLYTHERIN… RAVENCLAW" The boys stared at each other confused, this wasn't a part of their prank. The hat continued as the students looked on baffled, McGonagall brandished her wand and began casting at the hat trying to decipher what was wrong with it. The boys used the distraction to cast the activation charms. Suddenly all the first years found themselves rapidly changing colours, flickering through the rainbow before finally matching their house colouration. Hundreds of colourful streamers erupted from the tables.

Then the hat began singing the Happy Birthday song. It was absolute chaos, and McGonagall, having finally removed the compulsion charms on the hat, was annoyed to find that it continued on singing anyway.

Suddenly, a large banner flew out from the sorting stool and affixed itself in the air, it read, "CONGRATULATIONS HOGWARTS! On sorting your 1006th batch of First Years!"

The Marauders stared at each other, apparently they had competition.

Dumbledore laughed jovially, "Yes yes, congratulations to Hogwarts, she has served us well these many years. Now, I have just a few words before we may begin our feast. Tuck in!"

While the blue, green, yellow and red first years sat there confused; the older students who were used to it began piling their plates with food. The Marauders looked around the hall in search of their co-pranksters.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: A VERY tame first prank of the year for the boys, easily reversed and harmless; all according to plan.<strong>


	22. Following Tradition

September 8th, 6th Year

**Following Tradition**

One week later was a momentous day. They had spent the previous week settling into classes; and in Sirius' case, getting his first detention of the term for breaking dress code.

James had been lounging on the couch when he noticed a flash of red hair coming downstairs. "Evans!" He called, getting up and moving towards her, "I have gazed upon your beauty with longing more powerful than all those muggle boom things ever dropped!"

She rolled her eyes, he dropped to his knees before her and continued, "Such clever wit I have never been graced with before I heard your lovely barbed tongue."

She stalked off to her study table, he followed her on his knees, "Evans, I must again beg of your radiant, ethereal, angelic presence this Hogsmeade weekend."

She huffed and opened a charms book, intent on beginning her essay. He went on, "Tigerlily, flower most lovely and bright; allow me but a single moment of your attention, to prove my ever unyielding affection."

She didn't even glance at him while delivering her response, "No."

Hurt flashed across his face for a moment before he smoothed it away, had she graced him with her desired attention she may have even caught it. But he quickly regained his composure and stood.

"Citizens of Gryffindor house." James announced loudly, "Let it be known that today, has been the four hundredth time that Lily Marie Evans has denied myself, James Charlus Potter a date. Thank you for your attention."

A few girls glared at Lily, the Gryffindor's that had been around a while laughed or sighed, and the first years looked rather confused, but accepted that these things may be a regular announcement.

Then mere minutes later, "Citizens of Gryffindor house. As your Quidditch captain, I am announcing the try outs to be on Saturday the 11th of this month."

Quite suddenly, the common room was in an uproar, "Oh! I have to start practising!"

"What positions are open again? I hope chaser."

"Look! He's posting a notice."

"Gryffindor team is in need of one chaser, and one keeper. Chaser must play compatibly with the existing chasers. Keeper must be compatible with all three chasers. All reserve positions are open for try-outs." A fourth year read to the room.

"Oooh you're looking at the next Gryffindor chaser everyone!" A third year girl confidently stated.

"Hah, no way Ellis, I've seen you on a broom. Clearly I'm going to get Chaser." Another replied.

"Ladies, ladies." James chastened from behind them, "Perhaps this argument will be best settled on the pitch. I hope to see you both in attendance."

They squealed happily together.

* * *

><p><span>September 11th, 6th Year<span>

James rushed to the Quidditch pitch, of all the days to sleep in it had to be today. Thankfully he would only be a few minutes late. He considered to himself that this might chase off the less confident ones.

He walked onto the pitch and saw a small crowd milling around hopefully.

"Alright you lot!" He smiled, "I like to see you're all punctual. Hopefully the ones of you I choose for the team will continue in this strain."

Sirius smirked over at him "Perhaps the new recruits will help me wake you up in the morning for those horrid 5am practises you hold."

Two of the potentials wavered nervously at this news. James pointed at them, "Alright you two, off the pitch, this is no place for those who balk at the possibility of discomfort. Try again next year."

They started to protest before hanging their heads and leaving.

James grinned, "Now that we've got the weak willed out of here, I can promise you that I never hold practise before breakfast."

A few of the remaining dozen Gryffindor's giggled.

"Now, first things first, all of you that want to be Keepers, stay where you are; all the rest, off to the sidelines."

The group separated, and James was left with three Keeper hopefuls. The first was a 2nd year boy who was thin and wiry, though James didn't discount him yet. The kids name was Brian and he had enough Gryffindor spirit to make up for half the Slytherin's. The second was a 5th year boy, he'd tried out before three years ago, wasn't very good then, but James hoped he had been practising. The third was an unknown, she was small, and James would have pegged her as a 2nd year, if he didn't recognize her from two years previous. She had been a fair Keeper, but had been passed over by the previous captain because of her small stature.

"Alright you lot, the Keepers will have two trials, first you have to work individually against each of the current chasers. The one of you who performs worst will be immediately sent off. The other two will be used against all the chaser hopefuls. You will help us decide which chaser we pick, and they will help us decide which one of you will be our lucky Keeper."

James nodded to his fellow chaser, a seventh year named Dorcas Meadows and they sent Brian up to the goals. James and Dorcas then took to the air and began shooting on the kid. He did alright, blocking five out of ten shots they had sent his way.

They sent him down and next the 5th year boy, named Anderson came up to the goals. James remembered he had only managed to block two shots three years ago. This time he did much better, blocking six of their attempts.

Finally the unknown, her name was Melissa he later learned, approached the goals. She was a fourth year, and despite her use of a school broom, managed to block six of the ten shots. Tying for first place.

James nodded to himself as they landed, he ruffled Brian's hair and told him to practise up and try again next year. But Brian just smiled widely at him and asked, "Can I try out for chaser too?"

James blinked owlishly, but shrugged his shoulders, so as to say 'why not'.

* * *

><p>So with ten potential chasers, and two possible keepers left, James sent one keeper to each set of goals, and then had all the chaser hopefuls go up and take three shots against each of them. James himself remained on the ground looking up, tallying the points scored, and the goals blocked by everyone on a large grid.<p>

Sirius shook his head ruefully, "You know, this would be so much easier if you'd just pick the girl for keeper. She was on a school broom and did just as well as Anderson on his Nimbus 1001; it only came out four years ago, still one of the best brooms on the market."

"You don't need to tell me about the brooms Sirius, I'm merely taking into consideration that while she may be a good defender against Dorcas and I, she might not be so great against other players. Besides, what if she can't afford a better broom for the season; McGonagall isn't going to just buy her a broom you know."

Sirius rolled his eyes as James marked the final tallies. The choice for keeper was only discernible by two points. Anderson had managed to block twenty-one out of the thirty shots against him, however Melissa had beaten him with twenty-three. James nodded thoughtfully, "Alright Anderson, you're reserve Keeper, good show up there. Melissa, you might want to get your own broom, you're the new Gryffindor keeper."

Anderson glared angrily at her before hanging his head.

James stared down at the marks on his grid to look for the new chaser, he discovered a three-way tie for the spot. Each of them had scored four out of six goals against the two potential keepers, the next best having only scored twice. It was between a 7th year girl named Carrie, a 3rd year girl named Jane, and Brian. "Alright, you three!" He said pointing to them, "You're all on the team, whether as a chaser or a reserve has yet to be determined. The rest of you, clear out."

James, Dorcas, and the three remainders then took to the sky and began practising passes, tackles, and various plays. James took time to note each of the three players styles of play. Carrie tended to hog the quaffle, and could use practise with stealing, though her passes were spot on. Jane seemed reluctant to hold the quaffle too long, passing it off almost as soon as she got it, but she excelled in getting the quaffle off the others. Brian seemed to have a sense for when to pass and when to hold, but his passes were so far off James often had to speed up or slow down to get them.

When they landed James pondered them, "Alright, I'm not going to tell you who the new chaser is, because I really have no idea. You all have positives and negatives about your playing style. I'm going to commune with the veteran players tonight and decide what it is our team needs the most in a Chaser. I'll tell you by Monday evening."

* * *

><p><span>September 13th, 6th Year<span>

By Monday they had made the rather odd decision, that they needed Jane's tackling for the match against Slytherin, Brian's judgement for the match against Ravenclaw, and Carrie's ability to cling onto the quaffle against Hufflepuff, who according to Gryffindor's spy (Wormtail), had turned out some amazing quaffle stealers this year. Then they had gone to McGonagall, and after much debate, finally got her to admit that there was no rule stating they couldn't change line-ups between each game.

But that was not the matter on Monday morning, it was their second potions class of the year, and professor Slughorn had brought in an interesting concoction. At the start of the class he had them all come up and whiff the fumes, then describe what they smelled. It was sure to be an embarrassment to all of them.

When James approached the simmering potion he described lavender scented shampoo, open fields filled with flowers, and fresh parchment. On his way back to his seat he passed Lily and noted aloud, "Hey! That potion smelled just like Evans!"

To which she blushed before murmuring quietly that the potion, to her, smelled of dense forest, morning dew, and treacle tart.

When Sirius approached he barely paused before listing the things he smelled, "Old dusty books, dark chocolate cake, a hike through the forest, butterbeer, Moo-" He stopped, "Uh, shampoo. Yeah." Then he went back to his seat and sank into it awkwardly.

Remus had very clearly not been paying attention Sirius noted in relief. Instead he was sat at their bench with a faint blush on his face, 'Probably in la-la land thinking about Marie.' Sirius sulked.

Though only Remus could know why he was blushing; because of the overpowering scent of wet dog, cigarettes, and gasoline. He sat there convincing himself over and over that it was because; Marie had a dog, her parent's smoked and so of course the smell would be reminiscent, and gasoline because, well, that was obviously a mistake.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Uh oh! Remus might have a rather Sirius problem soon. Ah, finally back for their 6th year; a year sure to be filled with insanity!<strong>


	23. A Pranktastic Week

September 24th, 6th Year

**A Pranktastic Week**

It hadn't even been a month, a terrible prankless other than the starting feast month, and Sirius was itching for something, anything. He sighed, what was something he could do? Just enough to tie him over, something small until James gave the go ahead for the pranking extravaganza… Sirius dug hopefully through his trunk, rooting around for that something, anything, he so desperately needed.

A mildly wicked grin came across him as he found what he was looking for, buried deep at the bottom from summers past, his first ever adventure into muggle London when he had been fresh out of second year. He slouched against his trunk, grinning with anticipation.

He had always loved the brilliant muggle item, it was so simple, and yet always managed to please. He grabbed James' invisibility cloak and went to set up.

* * *

><p>When the Marauders filed in for dinner that evening, all but one of them was expecting to eat their meal before going back to Gryffindor and get a start on their Charms essay due Monday. The Ravenclaws that had shared their last class were already working on it; sitting at their table, scrawling with careful strokes, referencing their books. Sirius glanced over at Evans and noted with an eye-roll that she too had her books out.<p>

Nearly half of the students were in the Great Hall waiting for their dinners to appear when the target strolled in, whistling a cheery tune. On and on the subject flowed, up towards his regal throne. Sirius looked down at his plate, just in time for the food to appear, he began to serve himself, first the chicken pie, and some mashed potatoes, his eyes quickly landed on the quiche, and he was about to reach for it when-

_**PPppRRrrrRRFFFfffFFFVVTttTTHh!**_

The delightfully loud fart echoed throughout the Great Hall. Every student within paused. James looked searchingly at Sirius, who had his patented '_What in the world…? Oh reaalllyy James, that wasn't me. Clearly I have evolved beyond the simple whoopee cushion._' expression plastered across his face. James acquiesced despite his remaining suspicion.

Dumbledore wore a light blush as he looked around himself confusedly. The victim shifted slightly in his seat, a smaller, though quite recognizable in the near silence, _**pppPPfffTTth! **_emerged.

It was the catalyst much of the Hall had been waiting for; it started with a second year boy, who looked as though he was slowly being transfigured into a tomato, as he finally, after a full five seconds of complete silence, burst out into a fit of childish giggles.

The pink on Dumbledore's cheeks rose steadily as the laughter rolled through the hall in waves, he finally discovered the whoopee cushion disillusioned on his seat, his characteristic twinkling smile stretched from ear to ear. Sirius couldn't reign in his victorious smirk any longer. Remus peered over at his friend curiously, corners of his mouth twitching. The predatory grin Sirius wore was all the answer he needed; he dropped his head into his hands, fighting the warm smile of nostalgia that steadily spread across his face.

* * *

><p><span>September 25th – 29th, 6th Year<span>

It wasn't even their prank, but they were being punished for it. Apparently someone had decided to slip a potion into the meals of multiple Slytherin students. All the 'poor' students had been able to say for the next three hours was; "When I grow up I want to be a Death Eater.", "I really wish the Dark Lord would let me kiss his ass.", and "I defile muggle children". The infamous Marauders had instantly been handed the blame, all because Snape told the Professors that they had done it. They obviously hadn't, a prank that large, affecting eighteen different Slytherins', it just wasn't in line with their master plan for the year.

Though they tried to plead innocence, their track record spoke loudly against them, and so they were all serving detention for the next four days; scrubbing the dungeons, the Trophy room, the Great Hall, and various corridors without magic.

* * *

><p>After the last of their detentions they met together in their dorm room, "Marauders, this is our 67th official meeting. Recently we have been wronged, whoever these mysterious other pranksters are, they have managed to use our notoriety to shield themselves from blame. Though their pranks show great promise, and I had once wished to nourish such ability, we must retaliate." The other Marauders nodded solemnly at James as he continued, "Also, it's messing up our style, Lilyflower seems to think that the recent pranks have been us, though with the exception of a certain muggle novelty item and the start of term feast, we have been innocent. Yet we continue to take the blame... it is of my opinion, that continuing with the original plan is now hopelessly for naught anyway. So I suggest we discover these tricksters, and give them the pranking of a lifetime."<p>

"If Messr Padfoot may interject; he might add that we also need to get old Snivelly back for lying about us."

"Messr Prongs agrees; the grease-ball needs to kindly bugger off already."

"Messr Wormtail suggests something to amend his greasy slime."

"That is certainly a start," Remus began, though the others glared at him for breaking tradition, he tiredly yawned before starting again, "Messr Moony agrees, and suggests starting with a bucket of soapy water."

"Messr Padfoot suggests that we just get rid of his hair, it's a fire hazard having that much oil in it, clearly we'd even be doing him a favour! Perhaps we could charm something to eat his hair."

"Messr Prongs suggests a teapot for the charmed item, and thinks we should do both ideas, after all, we wouldn't want to feed our pet teapot dirty hair."

"Messr Wormtail agrees with that, poor thing might get sick. But I guess it'll get sick anyway, eating something of Snape's."

* * *

><p><span>October 1st, 7:55 am, 6th Year<span>

Sirius flashed his mirror around a corner and took a peek before whispering, "Target appears to be alone, approaching the corner of dungeon corridor 3 and F."

The hushed reply was, "Roger. Ready your spells gentlemen."

The ruffling of a small burlap sack could be heard as something fought valiantly to escape.

Snape came to the intersection of the corridors and was immediately drenched by the waiting bucket of water above him. He scowled and sprang into action, but was hit by three scourgify's before he could get his wand out. He turned and found Black throwing something vicious at him. He didn't have time to think, and merely reacted, sending the unknown object hurtling back towards Black.

Sirius quite suddenly got a face full of teapot and was knocked onto the floor where he screamed, "My hair, MY HAIR!" Yanking and pulling at the ferocious beast which had thoroughly attached itself to the aforementioned appendage.

James reacted by sending an overpowered hair drying spell at Snape, who would spend the next week with an afro before inventing a very popular product named Sleakeasy's Hair Potion to combat the issue.

Peter reacted by jumping three feet into the air in shock, and then staring, filled with horror at the spectacle before him.

Remus was the only one who made a move to save their dear Padfoot; with a well-aimed slicing charm to detach the teapot, and a swift kick which sent the dish soaring gracefully (and slightly rabidly) through the air before it shattered, never to terrorize hair again.

* * *

><p><span>October 1st, 8:40 am, 6th Year<span>

Sirius glared into the mirror, inspecting the disaster that was his hair. He pulled random strands from side to side, attempting to give order to the madness. "It's worse than Prongs'." He muttered, distressed.

The other three boys were in potions class, hopefully covering for him. They had been kind enough to bring him breakfast. However now, all but the crusts of his toast was gone; he was left with only the mirror in the 6th year boys bathroom, his remaining hair, and with any luck enough imagination to make something out of it all.

He trimmed the longest of the strands down; hoping to give the appearance of volume, if not length. A large bulk of his hair now hung to his chin, though far more barely brushed the tips of his ears, and there was of course the large portion behind his right ear that was barely half an inch long.

"Make it work Padfoot." He encouraged himself, surveying the wreckage, before taking his wand and slicing off large chunks at a time.

When the staff and students of Hogwarts saw him next, he had a four-inch pale blue mohawk.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Sweet Circe everyone, I have been trying and failing to write this chapter for three weeks. I thought I had it done, and then I re-read it and realized that it was so completely horrible that I couldn't possibly post it and ever forgive myself. So, eventually, I ended up deleting the entire chapter and starting it again from scratch on Wednesday. Finally, I can give you something I like. I'm sorry for the week-long delay on this...<strong>


	24. Stalking for Dummies

October 15th, 6th Year

**Stalking for Dummies**

"I, Messr Prongs, call to order, this, the 69th-"

Sirius snorted in amusement at the number.

"Messr Prongs realizes the amusement of the number but must request Messr Padfoot to contain himself. Anyway, this is the 69th official meeting of the Marauders, where we shall be reconvening on the state of our map making."

"Messr Wormtail has managed to sketch out approximately 40% of the castle, but it will need some reworking to be perfectly to scale.

"Messr Moony inquires as to when Messr Wormtail will be able to draw the formal edition of the map."

"Messr Wormtail should be able to start at any time, though much of the map will at first be blank. I can continue filling it in later."

"Messr Padfoot has had no luck in finding a spell to use the castle wards to track staircase movement. However if we were to arithmantically combine three existing spells it would work. Also spell combinations are likely to be much simpler than inventions."

"Messr Moony knows which spells Messr Padfoot is referring to and must stress that combined spells often take more time than the sum of their parts to cast. Each casting would require approximately twelve minutes of constant unbroken chanting and flawless wand waving to apply: Adding such charms to all fifty-eight moving staircases in Hogwarts would be rather time consuming."

"Messr Padfoot thinks if two of us learned the combined spell it should only take us an hour or two to do it."

"Messr Moony must wonder how Messr Padfoot passed even the most basic Arithmancy tests without the ability to multiply. With two of us casting flawlessly without any mistakes and counting in the time required to travel between staircases it would take us far closer to six hours."

"Messr Padfoot shouldn't have to remind you that he never took Arithmancy."

"Messr Prongs suggests the two of you combine the required spells and when Peter has completed the map you can perhaps enchant three staircases each per day until the job is done."

"Messr Padfoot still wonders on how we will be adding the ability of human tracking to our map."

"Messr Prongs suggests he and Chief Researcher Moony venture to the restricted section at midnight to seek such information. Messr Wormtail should also begin drawing a formal map from the information he has heretofore gathered. Messr Padfoot should use this time to write his Potions essay that he has been neglecting."

Sirius pouted, he had an E in Potions, surely missing an essay here or there wouldn't hurt his grade.

* * *

><p>So while Peter explored the castle and steadily drew out a scale version of the landscape, while Remus and James prepared for their expedition into the library that night, Sirius sat at a table in the common room pouring over his textbooks and writing the long three foot essay required for Potions class.<p>

An hour later, Sirius was struggling to fill in the last four inches of his essay, and James and Remus were stashed neatly under the invisibility cloak exiting the portrait hole. A mere ten minutes after they left it was midnight, and Peter had returned to the common room.

"How'd it go Wormtail?"

"Fairly good, I got another corridor in the castle sketched out. I also went to the kitchens to draw out a good copy." Peter then sprawled the in-progress map across the table.

Though very little of the castle had been drawn onto it so far, the extreme detail of the small portion drawn was extensive. Fine writing giving descriptive details of the corridors and surrounding rooms made up the walls, the writing was neater than any Sirius had seen his friend turn in on essays before. The amount of work that had been put into the map by Peter must have been astounding; the map was almost a work of art. Though it was barely yet begun, when the rest of the expansive castle was drawn… Sirius knew at that moment, that this map would become their legacy. Long after they were dead, when their pranks had been retold for the last time, and after their exploits had fallen from memory; this map should live on, guiding pranksters to glory.

Slightly dumbfounded by his hopes for the future, Sirius managed to utter a soft "That's really good Pete." Then thinking of his previous wishes, he understood that this map should be far better protected than their previous plans entailed. To be made impervious against weather and inflammable would not be enough, this map should retain its current glory long after the last of the library books had turned to dust. This beauty deserved all the charms that protected the centuries old manuscripts stashed away from the eyes of fools in his ex-grandfather's private library. Such charms would only be able to be applied after the very last of their discoveries would be made. They would only be able to use these charms moments before leaving Hogwarts for the last time. The map would have to be protected with the utmost care until then.

Peter had been poking worriedly at Sirius for at least four minutes before he finally earned a responsive gasp from his friend.

Blinking, Sirius grinned a slightly insane manifestation. "Peter…?"

"Yeah Sirius, uh you okay?"

"Yeah… I'm fine. Can I borrow your potions essay, I have more important things to research right now."

Peter looked over Sirius' own essay before nodding, "Just don't copy the inches you need word for word okay?"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in the library, James and Remus were quietly scouring the shelves in the restricted section. 'Tracking tracking tracking…' James thought to himself, hoping to find a related book.<p>

'A History of Family Ties, The Truth Behind the Legends, Merlin's Illicit Affairs,…' Remus read the titles he passed to himself as he wandered.

James suddenly signaled to him and Remus quietly crept over to see what he'd found, he glanced at a nearby title 'Ward Manipulation' it read. Remus cast silencing charms around the section before pulling the book from its shelf, when he opened it a loud shrieking emitted. He and James smirkingly put in their ear plugs and began to scan through looking for the information they needed.

* * *

><p>Forty minutes later they were without luck. Not a single page referenced anything to do with using wards to track humans. James put the book back on the shelf and began dismantling their silencing charms, Remus went back to scanning the shelves.<p>

'The Muggle Plague, Kama Sutra, Deadliest Hexes, The Road to Immortality, Stalking for Dummies, World's Most Powerful Wizards: Unclothed,' Remus paused thinking, 'I should grab this for Sirius.' And then, 'Wait! Stalking for Dummies?'

Remus looked around for James and not finding him began to cast the silencing spells around the area, he pulled the book from its shelf before flicking through it, a light blush due to some of the pages. He then charmed the book to remain silent before stashing it in his bag. Then he reached up and took down Stalking for Dummies, casting the same spells on it before going to locate James.

When they were back in the dorms James and Remus proudly displayed 'Stalking for Dummies' to Sirius and Peter, it was nearly two in the morning but they all excitedly sprawled around the book and began to flip through looking for spells they could use. They plotted and read until nearly four in the morning when they departed for bed, Remus forgot to give Sirius the other book he had stolen.

* * *

><p><span>October 19th 6:00 am, 6th Year<span>

On Sunday morning the Marauders woke and crept down to the Great Hall. This was the only room in the castle that every student and member of staff used frequently, their work would need to be carved into the very frame of the entrance. Tiny rune schemes arranged in an inverted pentagram ensured that the entire arch-way would be shrouded with an invisible ward. The ward was a form of spell deployer that would wrap each body that passed through in a tracking charm. The tracking charms were tied into their map, and would register the location of each tracked person as a small name tag, moving across their map.

They had only needed to make small alterations to the rune scheme within the book, adding an extra circle around the original set. The additional runes were to protect the carved runes from wear, to strengthen the arch-way holding the runes from destruction, and to give greater longevity to the tracking spells soon to be tied around each student. The previous spell only allowed for twelve days of tracking per application, their improved version made nearly twelve weeks become possible.

Almost as an afterthought, they realized that Hogwarts has many visitors, and not all of them enter the Great Hall. With this in mind, they endeavoured to add the same runes around all the other entrances of the school.

When they had finally completed their work that evening, they gazed over the small finished portion of their map, watching as little name tags appeared and walked through the hallways before disappearing off the other side.


	25. Confessional Booth

November 4th, 5:12 pm, 6th Year

**Confessional Booth**

"James," Sirius sat up "I'm gonna tell him."

James and Sirius were lounging in the common room that Saturday morning, Remus and Peter being in the library working on essays.

"Well it's about time Sirius, only problem with that is," James noted, "He's in the library and you're still banned."

"Yeah well, Madame Pince is a cunt. Let me borrow the cloak for a bit?"

James huffed, "I suppose I should do my Charms essay, I'll open the doors for you to get in."

* * *

><p>The two Marauders wandered through the halls, one quite visible and the other not. When they got to the library James opened the door, holding it a bit longer than could be deemed normal, before allowing it to drift shut. Sirius was already halfway to Remus' table; however a certain Hufflepuff was closer.<p>

"Remus?" Marie called softly.

The called upon raised his head from a book and looked over at her with an enamoured smile, "Yes love?"

Sirius seethed silently, 'Oh isn't this all just so _**adorable**_, I have to get Remus out of here before she infects him with her goody two-shoes-ness.'

Marie however, was entirely unaware of Sirius' simmering annoyance, "We were going to go on that picnic, I was thinking tomorrow; and you said you had something to tell me?"

The invisible boy blinked furiously in shock. 'Remus is going to tell her? But, that bill her dad pushed through. She'll hate him, she'll turn him over to the ministry, and Remus will get kicked out of Hogwarts!' He had to stop this, Sirius stormed over to the table, grabbed Remus' arm and dragged him off.

"Whaa?" Remus started, something was dragging on his arm. "Sirius is that you? You're banned. Besides, I was having a conversation." Remus stubbornly refused to leave.

'Desperate times call for desperate measures.' Sirius thought to himself, and then aloud he whispered "Code Banana."

Remus instantly stood up and swept all of his books and quills into his bag without any regard, "Marie, I'm sorry, there's an emergency in Gryffindor right now, we'll have that picnic next weekend."

Then he rushed away with Sirius while Marie was left utterly confused. "Code banana." She rolled her eyes.

* * *

><p>Sirius sped through the hallways with Remus in tow. Remus was asking a multitude of questions over just what exactly the emergency was. Sirius, shaking his head a negative to each query.<p>

"Sirius, what happened, you're calling a code banana here. Did someone die? The Great Hall blew up? Are Death Eaters attacking? Did Lily agree to go out with James?"

Sirius flew into a broom cupboard dragging Remus with him.

"Remus, Lily did not agree to go out with James. We both know that would cause the world to end."

"Okay… so?"

"It's about…" Sirius paused, "Marie."

Remus got a dopey grin on his face, "She's lovely isn't she."

"Uh, well, whatever. So you know that bill that just passed? The one restricting werewolves even more?"

"Of course I know of it Sirius, I am a werewolf. I need to know these things."

"So you know who pushed it through?"

"Yes, it was Marie's dad."

"Exactly! So you can't tell her about your condition, you see? She'll turn you over!"

"Sirius, Marie and her father are very different people."

"But she agrees with him!"

"Why exactly do you think she would?"

"Because she's his daughter! Of course she does!"

"So you, are exactly like, and share all the same political viewpoints as your father?"

Sirius scowled "What are you saying Moony! I'm nothing like that bastard!"

"Exactly, and Marie doesn't agree with her father."

"Oh don't be ridiculous Moony! That sour bitch is going to get you kicked out of Hogwarts!"

"I am not going to stand here and let you bash my girlfriend; I can't believe you had the nerve to call a code banana over some petty prejudice Sirius." Remus went to open the door.

Sirius was faster; he flicked out his wand and near shouted a spell. "No! Moony this isn't just about the bill."

Remus glared, "Well Sirius, what is it about then?"

"I don't think you should date her anymore."

"Sirius!" Remus yelled, "I've been dating her for over seven months, you were all for me getting a girlfriend. You're the one who forced the Third Pact on us!"

"The Third Pact says nothing about it being a **GIRL**friend, just that you can't turn down dates!"

"Well then," Remus sarcastically snarked, "Who do you suggest I date instead, oh wise one?"

Sirius looked at the wall, and then his feet, and stuttered a little, "Well. I. I mean. M-maybe. You could date. Like, oh I dunno. Someone else… and. Um."

A realization dawned on Remus then, "Oh bloody hell, you're jealous of Marie."

"What's that six points for me now?" Sirius tried to joke lightly.

"Six? What?" Remus was confused, "Oh that silly game about making me swear."

"Exactly," Sirius grinned, "Now, that's covered, you'll stop dating Marie and we'll live happily ever after and shag like bunnies."

Sirius went to grab the door, but it wouldn't open.

Remus rubbed the bridge of his nose, "The spell you used to lock it can only be undone from the outside."

"Well crap." Sirius acknowledged.

Remus continued, "More importantly, I never agreed to any of that. I'm still going to date Marie, and we are most certainly not going to do anything of that matter like bunnies."

"Well okay okay, doggy style, and we'll go behind her back, whatever floats your boat Moonshine."

Remus frowned, "No Sirius, I'm sorry but I'm very happy with Marie, and not interested in doing anything of that nature with you no matter the style."

Remus was suddenly assaulted by a pair of large watery puppy dog eyes.

"But…" Sirius' lip quivered, "But Remmy…" Sirius sniffled, "Why not? Am I not pretty enough…?"

Remus sighed, and wrapped his arm around his steadily sobbing friend, "Sirius you're plenty pretty. It's just that, well, you're… er. You've got-"

"You don't want me because I'm a bloke." Sirius pouted.

"Well, kind of."

Sirius sank down to the floor of the tiny broom cupboard. He wrapped his arms around his legs. "Oh Merlin, I've been such a fool."

Remus sat down beside him.

Sirius continued, "Here I've been worried over being attractive enough for you, and you don't even swing that way."

"Well… I'm not saying I'm entirely straight. But… I'm sorry Sirius."

Sirius perked up, ever so slightly. "So I have a chance? If I'm extra great, and you break up with Marie?"

"You are not permitted to bully her into ending things."

"Damn."

They sat there in silence for a many minutes, Remus fidgeting awkwardly, hopelessly trying to comfort Sirius, who had his head in his arms.

Then, "Rem? I feel like I'm forgetting something important."

"Moonrise is in an hour." Remus reminded him.

"And we're locked…"

"In a broom cupboard. Yeah."


	26. Trigger

November 4th 6:13 pm, 6th Year

**Trigger**

While Sirius was sitting in the broom cupboard sobbing and feeling miserable, next to Remus who felt incredibly awkward; James and Peter were at dinner.

"Where are they?" James asked for the third time that evening.

"I don't know." Peter replied, also for the third time.

"It's you know what tonight… he better show up soon." Then in a lower voice, "Moonrise is in an hour."

"Yes, I know."

Madame Pomfrey sat at the head table looking down at Gryffindor table. 'Where is Mr. Lupin?' She worried to herself, 'He needs to be at the shack in 15 minutes to prepare.' She stood up, hoping his friends would be able to locate him.

She walked down to the table and tapped James Potter on the shoulder; he turned to her, "Yes Madame Pomfrey? Is this about Remus?"

"I'm afraid it is. Would you happen to know where he is tonight?"

"No… we were just wondering about that. Last I know Sirius went down to the library and dragged him off somewhere."

"The very same Mr. Black who has been banished from the library since last year?" She asked with an eyebrow raised.

"Uh-um… I mean he went to just OUTSIDE the library."

"Of course you did Mr. Potter." She rolled her eyes, "Listen, if you find him within the next half-hour I won't say anything about it."

Peter frowned, "How are we going to find him in this huge castle?"

James grabbed Peter's arm and they rushed out of the Great Hall, "The map! The stairs don't move on it yet, and it's not fully drawn, but if they're anywhere we've added so far we'll be able to find them."

"I still find it creepy that there are more books on tracking people than there are on warding in the school library."

"Yes well, never mind that now, we've got some mutts to hunt down!"

* * *

><p>Meanwhile in the broom cupboard Remus was awkwardly patting his friend on the back. "Er, it's alright Sirius."<p>

Sirius snorted, "Shut up Moony you're making it worse."

"Ah. Alright then."

* * *

><p>James and Peter had made it back to Gryffindor in record time, and having finally retrieved the map were now scanning it frantically in search of their friends.<p>

After many minutes Peter pointed, "Ohh there!"

James looked to Peter's finger, "Third floor, just off the Charms corridor. Let's go!"

* * *

><p>Sirius sighed unhappily.<p>

Remus shifted awkwardly.

Sirius lifted his head up and stared at Remus for a while. "Try not to feel bad about it Moony, I think I'm mostly just embarrassed."

Remus grinned, "Well at least it was only your pride."

* * *

><p>James and Peter rounded the corner at a sprint and began hammering on the cupboard door, "Stop snogging and get out of the cupboard you ninny's!"<p>

From inside the cupboard Remus called back unhelpfully, "We're not snogging!"

Sirius added with a mutter, "We're locked in."

"What?" James called, "We can hardly hear you, you're not snogging though?"

Remus began to shout back that they were locked, but James had taken the previous news as all that was required to break open the door and grab them. "Well good, Remus the moon is really soon. Go down to the shack now." Then turning to Sirius, "Mate you look like shit, go clean up and we'll see you later."

Simple as that, Remus, James, and Peter began on their way to the shrieking shack, and Sirius found himself wandering through the Hogwarts halls in search of a bathroom.

* * *

><p>Sirius had only just found the bathroom, and was about to enter when a very unwelcome voice met his ears. "Are those tear tracks Black?"<p>

Sirius whipped around, "Snivellus."

"Did your boyfriend dump you? Filthy faggot."

"Fuck off Snape."

"Ohh hit a nerve, did I?" Snape raised his wand, "Perhaps you finally confessed your perverted affections for Lupin?"

Sirius snarled, but remained silent. He knew full well that Snape was only out to provoke him.

"Oh, did Lupin reject you?" Snapes face was now polluted by an even crueller smirk, "Even that scarred freak is disgusted by your unnaturalness."

Sirius shook his head, trying to block Snape out, but the lies being spewed were steadily worming their way in.

"Where does he go every month anyway? Surely he's run out of relatives to die."

Sirius snapped, "SHUT UP SNAPE!"

"Usually you see, you disappear with him. Does he not like you anymore, now that he knows how you touch yourself at night; thinking such dirty thoughts?"

Sirius growled; the grim within him haunting near the surface, ready to bite.

Snape began to retreat, "Well perhaps if you run along and give him a nice long sucking, he'll forgive you."

"SHUT UP! SHUT UP HE'S NOT LIKE THAT!"

"Then where else is he running off to Black?"

"**WHY DON'T YOU POKE A STICK AT THE WILLOW AND FIND OUT!"**

Snape suddenly wore a look of gleeful victory; he rushed off without looking back. Perhaps he should have, because on Sirius' features the same expression was dawning. 'That'll teach him to stick his big greasy nose into everything.'

* * *

><p>Sirius washed up his face and began to wander on towards the shack, the moon was rising and he was poised to transform at any instant. Quite suddenly he heard a howl, and knew that Remus had completed his transformation. He was set to transform when he heard screaming, he paused thoughtfully. Then his eyes were assaulted by the distant image of James, still quite human; running frantically, pushing a flailing Snape in front of him.<p>

The angry howls and terrified screams mingled in the air as Moony bolted out of the shack after his prey. Sirius laughed at the thought that James would eventually have to transform and leave Snape to be devoured; ducking behind a tree he peaked out to watch the scene unfold. Regretfully, James and Snape made it safely into the castle, and Moony admitted defeat, and retreated into the forest.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: AHAH! <strong>I finally updated! Oh goodness this has been so long, but I swore I wasn't going to grant you lot another 4 month dry-spell. So here it is! Only 4 and a half weeks late. Now, I HOPE to have the next chapter for you all by Friday, but this is NOT a promise. I'm EXTRA-hoping that I'll be able to post chapters double time until I make up for the 4 chapters I should have posted but totally didn't because I've been to lazy to write.


	27. Breach

November 5th 7:03 am, 6th Year

**Breach**

Dumbledore frowned down at Sirius, his trademark twinkle hauntingly absent. Dumbledore looked very old, "Do you realize the severity of what you have done Mr. Black?"

"Taught Snivelly not to snoop in other people's business."

"Are you aware that had your plan been successful, Mr. Lupin would be currently facing an axe?"

"I don't see why he should, it's not like it would be his fault."

"Ah, I see you have separated the wolf from your friend in your mind Mr. Black. Unfortunately, the ministry would never be able to perform such a feat. You are very lucky that Mr. Snape has agreed to secrecy on the matter."

"**You didn't obliviate him!?"** Sirius jerked upright, "**You can't trust that greasy snake! He'll blab it to everyone!"**

"I am glad that you are finally realizing the danger you put not only Mr. Snape in, but also your friend. However, I trust Mr. Snape with this secret."

"Are you crazy? He'll tell everyone and then they'll murder Remmy! We should kill him so he can't."

"That, Mr. Black, is exactly the sort of thought we need to stop in you. You are filled with such hatred. I believe you will find, that despite the teachings of your family, murder is never a solution."

"I'm **nothing** like them!"

"Then prove it. Detention here with me every Saturday for the rest of the year."

"But Quidditch!"

"I think you will find that Mr. Potter has already replaced you."

* * *

><p>Sirius stormed through the halls in search of his friend, finally on the 5th floor he saw a familiar head of messy hair. "What the fuck do you think you're doing Potter? Taking me off the team!"<p>

James snarled, "Getting rid of a filthy Black, I never should have spoken to you in first year."

"Your mum's a Black, you gonna get rid of her too?"

James scowled and sent a curse, Sirius felt dark tendrils crawl across his face, he grasped at them wildly, trying to pull them loose before realizing-

"You broke the second pact Black." James sent the second curse.

"That pact only applied to Moony!"

"BECAUSE WE NEVER EXPECTED YOU TO BE A TRAITOR!"

"YEAH? Well SOMEONE broke the FIRST PACT and told DUMBLEDORE!" Sirius seethed.

"I did the RIGHT THING!"

"Well FUCK YOU! Reducio! Til the end of the YEAR! Because that's how long I'm stuck in detention you CUNT!"

James stabbed his wand towards Sirius violently, and Sirius flew across the corridor, slamming into a pillar.

November 12th, 6th Year

It was a week later, and in only a few hours Sirius would be having his first detention with Dumbledore. He thought, desperately, that if he could just get Remus to forgive him, everything would be okay. "Remus… Remus." Sirius trailed after his friend, but Remus continued ignoring him.

"Remus please. Just stop and listen to me Moony-"

Remus turned with a growl "You have no right to use that name anymore!"

"I... okay," Remus moved to continue walking, "Just wait! Remus listen to me!"

Remus continued walking. James hopped through a secret passage and greeted him.

"Remus just stop for a minute! Don't you want to hear-"

James turned to Remus, "Do you want me to hex him?

"No, he doesn't deserve the acknowledgement."

"Remus please…"

A Ravenclaw darted up the stairs and latched onto Sirius' arm, "Hey Black… I was thinking we could go to Hogsm-"

"Fuck off."

James grinned, "Was that the sound of you breaking the third pact Black?" James cast the charm they had developed, and Sirius felt a small pair of breasts growing onto his chest.

James and Remus marched away righteously, leaving Sirius standing miserably in the corridor.

Sirius saw them turn the corner, and slouched in his stance. Remus hadn't even once bothered to look at him. Sirius turned away from the now empty corridor and began walking the opposite direction, in his sulking he barely noticed as he entered the dungeons. Deep under the castle he leaned against the wall miserably, thinking that he was alone.

He barely heard the whisper of "Incarcerous" before ropes tackled his body, wrapping him up and leaving him squirming. "Well well, if it isn't a little blood-traitor."

"Fuck off Avery." Sirius spat at the Slytherin.

Snape twirled his wand, "Where's your _pet__, _faggot? Did it run away?"

"Shut up Snape."

Wilkes smirked down at Sirius, "I tire of hearing this filth-fucker speak, shall we shut him up?"

"Excellent suggestion." Rosier grinned down at Sirius, "Silencio."

"Ah look, the freak has developed tits." Wilkes taunted.

Avery replied, "Perhaps it's planning on becoming a woman?"

"Poor thing hasn't had its menses yet…" Rosier smirked, "Don't you know little blood-traitor? Women bleed."

"Don't worry, we can help you with that… In fact, I made this little spell_ just_ for you. Sectumsempra!"

Sirius screamed in silent agony as a gash split across his stomach, the blood pouring out only accelerated as he struggled in his binds desperate to stop the flow. However, the Slytherin's weren't content to just let him bleed out; they cauterized the wound with an "Incendio". They hit him with bludgeoning curses and "diffindo"'s as he writhed, tears streaming down his face.

Finally he freed a hand from the ropes, he quickly grabbed at his wand but a heavy boot stomped down on the reaching fingers, a sickening crunch filled the corridor as his bones snapped. He bit down into a grimace, barely registering the additional pain as his teeth cut through his tongue. They continued to kick him and stomp on him as he clenched his teeth, his back molars grinding together and eventually cracking under the pressure.

Then Rosier held up a hand, "Gentlemen, let us finish this like wizards." He pointed his wand down at Sirius "Crucio."

Every Cruciatus curse felt a little different; his father's burned like fire in his veins and his mother's was like knifes stabbing into every nerve. Rosier's was an intense ache spreading from his chest throughout him, and the pain only grew as his body spasmed in protest. Sirius didn't notice as Snape's wand descended on him but he did notice the additional pain of Snape's Cruciatus curse, it was like electricity coursing through his body, frying everything it touched, and Sirius thrashed as it lit his mind on fire. The Cruciatus curses of Avery and Wilkes were indistinguishable from the rest, but nearly doubled the torture all the same.

Sirius' jaw dislocated as his soundless shrieks tore out of his throat, his mind began to shut down, refusing to feel any more of it, and then everything went blank. He gazed unseeing in the direction of their boots. Only then, after he had stopped fighting, stopped screaming, and stopped caring what they did to him, did they stop. With an "Obliviate" they removed the evidence of their guilt, and then they banished the ropes that held him, and dumped his unresponsive body into an alcove, casting a concealment charm over the space.

Sirius lied there staring into the dusty space for hours before he began to come out from inside his head. He briefly wondered why he was lying on the ground, but figured it had a reason of sorts given the throbbing pain, and his fingers being a bloody twisted mess. A fleeting thought of the detention he had missed crossed his mind, he wondered if Dumbledore would come looking for him. He shut his eyes to wait, but when he woke up an hour later he was still in the dingy alcove.

'Fuck Dumbledore.' Sirius thought, 'I can get myself out of here.' But when he tried push himself up with his unsmashed hand, the fractured bone in his arm snapped, and he collapsed back onto the floor. So instead he lied on the floor of the alcove, hoping desperately that someone, anyone, would find him. He'd even be grateful to Snape to just put him out of his misery... 'fucking Snivellus, it was probably that greasy bastard that put him here in the first place. Fucking little bitch couldn't even finish the job either.' What Sirius wouldn't do to be dead right now.

He dozed back off briefly and when he woke again he wondered if it was the 13th yet. Probably was. He mumbled a song quietly to himself, "Happy birthday to me, I hate my birthday to me, I wish I was dead, happy fucking birthday to me." Then he fell asleep again.

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><p>Dumbledore had gone looking for Sirius as soon as their allotted detention time had ended, at first he had been angry that the boy had skipped detention, but after failing to find him in Gryffindor tower, the kitchens, and the astronomy tower, he began to worry. First he checked in the infirmary, the boy was prone to getting into fights, and then he went back to Gryffindor tower to ask Mr. Potter. Despite their falling out, the Potter boy was the most likely to be able to find Mr. Black.<p>

"Mr. Potter?"

James looked up from the essay he was working on, "Yes Headmaster?"

"Would you happen to know where Mr. Black is?"

"Why should I care."

Dumbledore frowned, "He is currently missing Mr. Potter, and I thought you may know."

"Probably ran away again, he's good at that."

"Mr. Potter, please take this seriously, Mr. Black could be in danger."

James sighed, "Yeah, alright. I'll go ask Peter if he's seen him."

James trudged upstairs to the dormitory and took out the mostly finished map. He scanned from top to bottom of the map looking for Black's name, but couldn't find it anywhere, which meant that Black was in one of the places they hadn't added yet.

He went back downstairs and reported to Dumbledore, "Peter thinks he's either in the abandoned corridor on the 5th floor or somewhere in the lower 2 levels of the dungeons."

"Thank you Mr. Potter." Dumbledore left the room to go search those areas. When he finally found Mr. Black it was 4 in the morning. He had in fact, walked past Sirius' sleeping body once in his search already, but had come back through the corridors casting revealing charms on all the corners and alcoves. When he saw the state Mr. Black was in his stomach dropped, he quickly levitated the boy's body and ran all the way to the infirmary.

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><p><em>AN: HAHHAAA! Guess what I finally got written. I'm so sorry for the long wait everyone, I've been under a lot of stress and had other priorities to sort out first. But I've finally got this chapter out now. I haven't even started the next chapter, so it may be another wait before you get that (sorry), hopefully not anywhere near as long as the wait for this one, but after that I have the next 2 chapters already finished! _


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